Wednesday, 2 April 1884

I went to Petit's¹ (Exhibition in the rue de Sèze) and stayed there for an hour before Bastien's incomparable canvases. Cazin is good too — but!

# Mercredi 2 avril 1884

Afterwards I go to Tony's — in a very cheerful air, playing the curious visitor: "Well now, Monsieur, how did things go at the jury?" "Very well — when your painting came before them, not one or two of them but a whole group said: 'well now, that's good — a number 2!'"

Après je vais chez Tony et d'un air très gai, en curieuse, voyons Monsieur comme cela s'est-il passé au jury ? Mais très bien, lorsque votre tableau a passé ils ont dit, ni un ni deux d'entre eux mais tout un group; "*tiens c'est bon ça, un n° 2" !*

"Oh! Monsieur — is that possible?" "But yes — believe me, I do not say it to please you; it was so; one voted, and if that day the president had not been a brute and a numbskull you had a number 2. Your painting was found good, received with sympathy — but the president conducted proceedings like a brute..."

— Oh ! Monsieur est-ce possible ?

"And I have a number 3?" "Yes — but it is due to a kind of misfortune, sheer bad luck, nothing else. You should have had a 2."

— Et j'ai n° 3 ?

"But what do they find to criticise in the painting?" "Nothing."

— Mais que lui reproche-t-on au tableau ?

"What — nothing? It is not bad, then?" "It is good."

— Comment rien ? Il n'est donc pas mauvais ?

"But then?" "Then it is a misfortune, and that is all. And if you found a member of the jury to request that it be placed on the cimaise, it will be there — for it is good."

— Mais alors ?

"But you?" "As for me — I am a member of the committee charged specifically with seeing that the order of numbers is respected. But let one of us request it and believe me, I shall say nothing against it."

— Mais vous ?

I believe you, you dirty old man.

Je te crois vieux sale.

Oh! but that does not surprise me from him. Well... And then toward four o'clock, to Rodolphe's, who laughs a little at Tony's advice and says I may be almost easy, that he will be very surprised if I am not on the cimaise, and that... besides, Tony told me that in his heart and conscience I deserve a 2, and that I have it morally. Morally!!

Oh ! mais ça ne m'étonne pas de lui. Enfin... Et puis vers quatre heures chez Rodolphe qui rit un peu des conseils de Tony et qui dit que je puis être presque tranquille et qu'il sera très étonné si je ne suis pas sur la cimaise et que... du reste Tony m'a dit qu'en son âme et conscience je mérite 2 et que je l'ai moralement. Moralement !!

And that besides it would only be fair...

Et que du reste ce ne serait que juste...

What I find admirable is these wretched Canroberts who find it natural — and who since the number 3 have estimated my abilities at a third of what they were before. After all, they must resent me for the painting I made for Claire. That will teach me to commit acts of cowardice.

Ce que j'admire ce sont ces sacrés Canrobert qui trouvent ça naturel et qui depuis le n° 3 estiment trois fois moins mes capacités. En somme ils doivent m'en vouloir du tableau que j'ai fait pour Claire. Ça m'apprendra à commettre des lâchetés.

These idiots think the 3 is deserved, because they know nothing about it and believe they have protected me! Good heavens. With their Boulanger and Lefèbvre? But those two are at the studio, and I had them through Julian from the moment I first exhibited.

Ces idiots croient que ce 3 est mérité car ils ne s'y connaissent nullement et croient m'avoir protégée ! Bonté du ciel. Avec leur Boulanger et Lefèbvre ? Mais ces deux sont à l'atelier et je les avais par Julian, depuis que j'expose.

That will teach me.

Ça m'apprendra.

And that I should go and petition again. Ah! No! To ask as a favour what is my due! It is too much.

Et que j'aille encore solliciter. Ah ! Non ! Demander comme une faveur ce qui m'est dû ! C'est trop.

Ah! The damned wretches — now that I have made a painting for them, they drop me. For neither Mme de Luynes nor the Marquise d'Hervey has ever sent anything as good. And moreover people do not know who I am, and think it was she who painted it — for they take me as just another society girl. The maréchale had Claire sit her examinations at the Hôtel de Ville, had her learn to paint, instilled a taste for serious literature, and set her up as a superior young woman. I helped with this image-making — and now. That will teach me.

Ah ! les sacrés misérables, maintenant que je leur ai fait un tableau, ça me lâche. Car ni Mme de Luynes, ni la marquise d'Hervey n'ont jamais envoyé rien d'aussi bon. Et en plus on ne sait pas qui je suis et on croit que c'est elle qui l'a fait, car on me croit comme les autres demoiselles du monde. La maréchale a fait passer ses examens à Claire à l'hôtel de Ville, elle l'a fait peindre, lui inculque de la littérature forte et la pose en fille supérieure. J'ai aidé à cette pose et maintenant. Ça m'apprendra.

Thursday, 3 April 1884

I go back to Jacques and he will not pose at all.

Jeudi 3 avril 1884

Besides, I am quite ill. Oh, my family will bury me — that is almost certain.

Du reste je suis tout à fait malade. Oh ma famille m'enterrera, c'est presque sûr.

Yet there is some sweetness in being ill when one thinks that Bastien is ill too.

Pourtant il y a quelque douceur à être malade quand on pense que Bastien l'est aussi.

Notes

The Galerie Georges Petit (rue de Sèze): one of the most prestigious private galleries in Paris, which hosted the major exhibitions of Bastien-Lepage, Monet, Renoir, and other leading artists of the period. ↩

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