Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Monday, 4 February 1878

We did mesmerism, spiritualism, and all manner of things that Cassagnac knows how to do. Dina fell asleep; Berthe nearly so.
They began putting me to sleep as well, just to see. The mesmerist held my hands, pressing his thumbs into my palms and gazing at me fixedly. After a few minutes I was, to a slight degree, unsettled — which is natural enough.
He refuses to magnetize me in earnest, on the grounds that it would be... dirty, he says.
It is fortunate enough that I am not yet jealous... of everything. I cannot even bear to hear a woman praised in my presence, and for jealousy of all kinds I can only compare myself to Cassagnac, who is absurdly jealous — so Blanc says. Berthe is pretty, very pretty. Small, rather ill-made, but pretty.
Do you know how I ended the evening, at half past one in the morning? Well — first I asked, quietly, whether a woman alone could safely enter the Opéra.
— Yes. I do not encourage you to do so, I would even advise against it; but if you were ever to commit this...
— ...extravagance.
— This extravagance — you will always find a box and an arm at your disposal, as a good companion.
— I do not wish to count on that; you might have to bring someone else.
— Do not stand on ceremony with me — make use of me.
And then... Ah! Well then I addressed him as tu, I said the most outrageous things in front of everyone. When Berthe was not there it was amusing; in front of Berthe it was mad.
I go to bed somewhat displeased with myself. And then there is this Cassagnac who tells me I am mad, that he feels sorry for my family on my account.
He assures me I am witty and endlessly amusing — I do not know about that, but I know he is very amusing and inspires in me such wild confidence that I treat him like a woman or like a brother. This good man had nothing better to do than to tell me I was mad.
Our escapade serves as pretext for a thousand [Crossed out: amusing] foolish things we say, which the mothers appear not to understand.
Mouzay dined with us.
I want to mesmerize people — I am certain I can do it.