Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Sunday, 20 May 1877

We were all supposed to go to Monaco to see a performance by the celebrated Captain Boyton,16 but we missed the two o'clock train; after that I no longer wanted to go, and as it was raining I stayed with Grand-papa.

# Dimanche 20 mai 1877

In our very monotonous life everything is momentous. This evening the dogs fought — poor little Pincio, known as Pintchik, was bitten and knocked about. I rushed out and found the combatants in a fury, all our little girls weeping around them, and Walitsky not daring to intervene. At last Lise seized the little white one by the tail, and he was nursed, but the poor child nearly had a fit of nerves and kept repeating: "They've killed him, they've killed him!"

Dans notre vie si monotone tout est grave, ce soir les chiens se sont battus, le pauvre petit Pincio dit Pintchik a été mordu et roulé. Je suis accourue et j'ai trouvé les combattants en fureur et toutes nos petites filles pleurant autour, Walitsky n'osant intervenir. Enfin Lise a saisi par la queue le petit blanc qu'on s'est mis à soigner, mais la pauvre enfant en eut une presque crise nerveuse et ne faisait que répéter : On l'a tué, on l'a tué !

I received a most agreeable letter from Commander Marcuard! He tells me that as for the matter of the young lady who plays the harp,17 one must speak to Alexandre — who is in Pest18 so accustomed to Hungarian women and the Magyar style that there is no question of his returning.

Ah ! j'ai reçu une lettre bien aimable du commandeur de Marcuard ! Il me dit que ce qui concerne la jeune personne qui joue de la harpe, il faut en parler à Alexandre qui est à Pesth si habitué aux Hongroises et au genre magyar qu'il n'est pas question de retour.

I don't know how to account for it, but contrary to all expectation I am calm with regard to the traveller. If he dies, I am delighted. If he is in love, it will pass — nothing lasts with him and he changes three times a day, sometimes more. If he marries... there are means of taking him from his wife. In short, we shall always find each other again. The essential thing is to secure ourselves a front-row position — the rest is easy, the more so since he does not love me, and I therefore have nothing to lose and nothing to fear.

Je ne sais à quoi cela tient mais je suis contre toute attente tranquille à l'endroit du voyageur. S'il meurt j'en suis ravie. S'il est amoureux cela se passera, rien ne dure chez lui et il change trois fois par jour, quelquefois plus. S'il se marie... il y a moyen de le prendre à sa femme. En un mot on se retrouvera toujours. L'essentiel c'est de nous trouver une place au premier rang, le reste est facile, d'autant plus qu'il ne m'aime pas, je n'ai donc rien à perdre et rien à craindre.

I speak of it, we laugh, I joke, and that is all — the rest is buried so deep, one doesn't know where, that I can find nothing left of it, or almost nothing.

J'en parle, on en rit, je blague et c'est tout, le reste est tellement enfoui on ne sait où, que je ne retrouve plus rien, ou presque rien.

Notes

Captain Paul Boyton (1848–1924), an American adventurer famous for swimming feats in an inflatable rubber suit across European waterways in the 1870s. ↩
"The young lady who plays the harp" is a playful code Marie and Marcuard use to refer to Marie herself in their correspondence. ↩
Budapest was then divided into Buda and Pest; "Pesth" refers to the Pest side. ↩