Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 22 January 1876

Samedi, 22 janvier 1876

Last evening I did the cards1 and they foretold unpleasantnesses — a vexation on account of a meeting with an old man or a churchman. And on the contrary I have had nothing but agreeable things. Very well — that proves to me for the tenth time how much they lie, and how foolish one is to attach the least importance to them.

Hier soir je fis les cartes et elles me predirent des desagrements, une contrariete a cause d'une entrevue avec un homme vieux ou d'Eglise. Et tout au contraire de cela je n'ai eu que des choses agreables. Bon, cela me prouve pour la dixieme fois combien elles mentent, et combien l'on est sot d'y attacher la moindre importance.

Dina has her hair done by a hairdresser — so do I, but this creature arranges it hideously; in ten minutes I change everything, and we set off for the Vatican.

Dina se fait coiffer par un coiffeur, moi aussi mais cet animal m'arrange hideusement, en dix minutes je change tout et nous partons pour le Vatican.

I have never seen anything comparable to the staircases and rooms we traverse.

Je n'ai jamais vu rien de comparable aux escaliers et aux chambres que nous traversons.

As with Saint Peter's, I find nothing to criticise. A servant dressed entirely in red damask2 leads us into a long gallery adorably painted, with bronze medallions set into the walls and cameos.3 On the right and left are rather hard chairs, and at the far end the bust of Pius IX beneath which stands a handsome gilded armchair in red velvet. The appointed hour was a quarter to twelve — but only at one o'clock does the curtain open, and after some guards, officers in uniform, and besides several cardinals, the Holy Father appears, dressed in white with a red mantle and leaning on a cane with an ivory head.

Comme a Saint-Pierre je ne trouve rien a critiquer. Un domestique tout habille de damas rouge nous conduit dans une longue galerie adorablement peinte avec des medaillons en bronze incrustes dans les murs, et des camees. A droite et a gauche sont des chaises assez dures et au fond le buste de Pie IX au dessous duquel se trouve un bon fauteuil dore, en velours rouge. L'heure fixee etait onze trois quarts mais a une heure seulement la portiere s'ouvre et apres quelques gardes, des officiers en uniforme, et outre plusieurs cardinaux, parait le Saint-Pere, habille de blanc avec un manteau rouge, et s'appuyant sur une canne a tete d'ivoire.

I knew him well from his portraits, but in person he is much older — so much so that his lower lip hangs like that of an old dog.

Je le connaissais bien par ses portraits, mais en realite il est beaucoup plus vieux, tant que sa levre inferieure pend comme chez un vieux chien.

Everyone fell to their knees. The Pope came first to us and asked who we were — a cardinal was reading the letters of audience and telling him the names.

Tout le monde se mit a genoux, le Pape s'approcha premierement de nous et demanda qui nous etions, un cardinal lisait les lettres d'audience et lui disait les noms.

— Russians? he says — from Petersburg, then?

— Russes ? dit-il, alors de Petersbourg ?

— No, Holy Father, says Maman — from Little Russia.4

— Non Saint-Pere, dit maman, de la Petite Russie.

— These young ladies are yours? he asks again.

— Ces demoiselles sont a vous ? demanda-t-il encore.

— Yes, Holy Father.

— Oui, Saint-Pere.

We were on the right; those on the left side were kneeling.

Nous etions a droite, ceux du cote gauche etaient a genoux.

— Rise, rise, says the Holy Father.

— Relevez-vous, relevez-vous, dit le Saint-Pere.

Dina made to rise.

Dina voulut se relever.

— No, he says, that is for those on the left — you may remain. And he placed his hand on her head so as to make her bow very low. Then he gave us his hand to kiss and passed on to others, addressing a few words to each. When he moved on to those on the left, it was our turn to rise.

— Non, dit-il, c'est pour ceux qui sont a gauche, vous pouvez rester. Et il lui posa sa main sur la tete de facon a la faire incliner tres bas. Puis il nous donna sa main a baiser et passa a d'autres adressant quelques mots a chacun. Quand il passait devant ceux du cote gauche ce fut notre tour de nous relever.

Then he stopped in the middle of the room and once again everyone knelt, and he gave us a little discourse in very bad French, comparing the seeking of indulgences5 at the approach of the jubilee6 to the repentance that comes at the moment of death — saying that one must earn heaven little by little, by doing something pleasing to God every day.

Ensuite il s'arreta au milieu et de nouveau on s'agenouilla et il nous fit un petit discours en fort mauvais francais comparant les demandes d'indulgences a l'approche du jubile, au repentir qui vient au moment de mourir, et disant qu'il fallait gagner le ciel peu a peu, en faisant tous les jours quelque chose d'agreable a Dieu.

— It is little by little that one must earn one's homeland, he says — but the homeland is not London, it is not Saint Petersburg, it is not Paris — it is heaven!

— C'est peu a peu qu'il faut gagner sa patrie, dit-il, mais la patrie ce n'est pas Londres, ce n'est pas Saint-Petersbourg, ce n'est pas Paris, c'est le ciel !

One must not wait until the last day of one's life — one must think of it every day and not do as is done at the approach of the jubilee. Non è vero,7 he added in Italian, turning towards one of his suite, anche il cardinale [N.] lo sa.8

Il ne faut pas attendre au dernier jour de sa vie, il faut y penser tous les jours et non pas faire comme on fait a l'approche du jubile, non e vero, ajouta t-il en italien se tournant vers un de sa suite, auche il cardinale xxx (le nom m'echappe) lo sa.

The cardinal thus addressed began to laugh, as did all the others [Crossed out: priests] — it must have had some significance for them; and the Holy Father departed very content and very smiling, having given his blessing to the persons, the rosaries, the images, etc. I had a rosary which I locked away in a soap box as soon as I got home.

Le cardinal apostrophe se mit a rire ainsi que tous les autres [Raye: pretres], ca devait avoir un sens pour eux, et le Saint-Pere s'en alla tres content et tres souriant apres avoir donne sa benediction aux personnes, aux chapelets, aux images etc. J'avais un chapelet que j'ai enferme dans une boite a savon aussitot rentree.

While this old man was blessing us and speaking, I prayed to God that the Pope's blessing might be a true blessing for me and that I might be delivered from all my griefs.

Pendant que ce vieux benissait et parlait je priais Dieu de faire en sorte que la benediction du pape me soit une vraie benediction et que je sois delivree de tous mes chagrins.

There were cardinals there who looked at me exactly as if they were Audiffret or Manara9 at the exit of the Opéra in Nice.

Il y avait la des cardinaux qui me regardaient tout comme s'ils etaient Audiffret ou Manara a la sortie de l'Opera de Nice.

From the Vatican we go to have our photographs taken, in black veils. It will be a souvenir — and the veil suits me.

Du Vatican nous allons faire nos photographies, en voiles noirs. Ce sera un souvenir et le voile me va bien.

Then I return home, undo my hair, change my dress, and set about making a garment like that of Dante's Beatrice and a turban like that of Beatrice Cenci.10 The Mary Stuart and Marie-Antoinette coiffures are ready. On Monday I shall pose.

Puis je rentre, me decoiffe, me change de robe et me mets a confectionner un vetement comme celui de la Beatrice de Dante et un turban comme chez Beatrice Cenci. Les coiffures Marie Stuart et Marie-Antoinette sont pretes. Lundi je poserai.

I am completely mad for flowing garments — I cannot bear to see a fashionable dress or hat; I must have a white classical tunic11 with a thousand folds following the figure, and a white turban on my head.

Je suis completement folle d'habits flottants, je ne puis voir une robe ou un chapeau a la mode, il me faut une chemise blanche a l'antique a mille plis et dessinant les formes, et un turban blanc sur la tete.

Dina serves as my mannequin — it amuses me.

Dina me sert de mannequin et cela m'amuse.

[Word blacked out: That evening] I ask Maman to buy me two dolls — one blonde, one dark; I dress the blonde one as a Pope, and from the dark one Dina makes a Papess.12

[Mot noirci: Le soir] J'ai prie maman de m'acheter deux poupees, l'une blonde, l'autre brune, j'habille la blonde en pape et de la brune Dina fait une papesse.

Since we have been in Rome, we laugh only at Galula — we chose him because he is a being of no importance whatsoever, rather more than a bat and considerably less than a man. This evening Dina promises to bring him a feather blessed by the Pope, so that he may become a vile notary.13

Depuis que nous sommes a Rome nous ne rions que de Galula, nous l'avons choisi parce que c'est un etre sans importance aucune, un peu plus d'une chauve-souris, beaucoup moins qu'un homme. Ce soir Dina promet de lui porter une plume benite par le pape afin qu'il devienne vil notaire.

I want to see the Pope again — and I shall see him again before leaving. He seems to me now an acquaintance. These cardinals behave with him as with a child, and I am certain he no longer occupies himself with anything.

J'ai envie de revoir le Pape, et je le reverrai avant de partir. Il me semble a present une connaissance. Ces cardinaux se comportent avec lui comme avec [un] enfant, et je suis sure qu'il ne s'occupe plus de rien.

Today were the races at Nice. How they must have enjoyed themselves.

Aujourd'hui etaient les courses a Nice. Comme ils ont du s'amuser.

Yet another proof of the mendacity of the cards. Yesterday I had a sort of sorceress come to tell my fortune. She told me to name the one I wish — I named Audiffret — and this woman told me that he cannot live without me, that he is dying of sadness and jealousy, that a wicked woman has been slandering me to him and that he is the most unhappy of men, that he thinks only of coming to me — for truly he cannot live without me — he adores me; but I think of another, and he is jealous, above all because this wicked woman has spoken ill of me to him, told him I loved another, etc.

Encore une preuve du mensonge des cartes. Hier j'ai fait venir une espece de sorciere et elle m'a fait la bonne aventure et m'a dit d'appeler celui que je veux, j'ai appele Audiffret et cette femme m'a dit qu'il ne pouvait vivre sans moi, qu'il se meurt de tristesse et de jalousie, qu'une mechante femme lui a fait des calomnies sur mon compte et qu'il en est le plus malheureux des hommes, qu'il ne pense qu'a venir car bien veritablement il ne peut pas vivre sans moi, il m'adore, mais moi je pense a un autre, et il est jaloux, surtout parce que cette mechante femme lui a medit de moi, lui a dit que j'en aimais un autre, etc.

Let all the sorceresses croak and all the cards burn! Nothing but lies.

Que toutes les sorcieres crevent et que toutes les cartes brulent ! Rien que des mensonges.

These are the first races at Nice I have missed in four years — in 1870–71 it was the war;14 I have therefore attended the races in 1871–72, 1872–73, 1873–74, and 1874–75. Four years of races.

Ce sont les premieres courses a Nice que je manque depuis quatre ans, en 1870-71 c'etait la guerre, j'ai donc vu les courses en 1871-72, de 1872-73, 1873-74, et de 1874-75. Quatre annees de courses.

I shall not return to Nice in winter if my grief continues — if I want to go there, it must be as a queen; if I want to stay there, it must be as a mistress of the situation. And there I am worse off than the last flower-seller.15 So I do not want to go.

Je ne retournerai pas a Nice pendant l'hiver si mon chagrin continue, si je veux y aller, c'est y aller en reine, si je veux y rester c'et y rester en maitresse. Et j'y suis plus mal que la derniere bouquetiere. Je n'y veux donc pas y aller.

If I could live there as I wish, I would give five years of my life to anyone.

Si je pouvais y demeurer comme je veux, je donnerais cinq ans de ma vie a n'importe qui.

To be unhappy in Paris — that one can still understand. But to be unhappy in Nice! One can only love it by reigning there.

Etre mal a Paris, ca se comprend encore, mais etre mal a Nice ! On ne peut l'aimer qu'en y regnant.

Notes

"Fis les cartes" — told her fortune with playing cards; one of several fortune-telling methods Marie practises: cards, placing a comb under the pillow, consulting the sorceress. ↩
Damask: a rich reversible fabric of silk or wool woven with patterns; red damask was the livery colour of papal domestic servants. ↩
The long gallery (the Sala Clementina, or one of the Vatican corridors): famous for its painted ceiling and decorations. ↩
"La Petite Russie" — Little Russia: the historical term for Ukraine, specifically the region around Poltava and Kharkov (now Kharkiv) where the Bashkirtseff estates were located. ↩
Indulgences: in Catholic theology, remissions of the temporal punishment due to sin already forgiven; sold or granted in exchange for prayers, pilgrimages, and charitable acts. ↩
The jubilee (jubilé): 1875 was a Holy Year proclaimed by Pius IX; pilgrims to Rome could gain special plenary indulgences. ↩
==Non è vero== (Italian): "Is that not so?" — a rhetorical aside to his companions. ↩
==Anche il cardinale lo sa== (Italian): "The cardinal knows it too" — Pius IX's aside to a cardinal in his suite; the name escaped Marie. ↩
Manara: a member of Marie's Nice circle, apparently known for his attentive observation of pretty women at the theatre. ↩
Beatrice Cenci (1577–1599): Roman noblewoman executed for the murder of her tyrannical father; immortalised in a portrait attributed to Guido Reni, showing her in a white turban, which Marie would have seen in the Galleria Barberini. ↩
"À l'antique" — in the classical or antique style: draped, loosely flowing garments inspired by Greek and Roman sculpture, as opposed to the tightly corseted fashions of the 1870s. ↩
The Papess (la papesse): the legendary Pope Joan, a woman supposedly elected Pope in the 9th century; Marie and Dina's game is a mildly sacrilegious joke, played the day of their papal audience. ↩
Galula's ambition to become a notary (notaire) is treated with contempt; the notarial profession, though respectable, was considered mundane and socially beneath the circles Marie aspired to. ↩
The Franco-Prussian War of 1870–71, which disrupted life across France; Nice had been French only since 1860. ↩
"The last flower-seller" (la dernière bouquetière): flower-sellers occupied the bottom of the social hierarchy in Nice's public spaces; being worse off than one of them is Marie's most extreme formulation of social humiliation. ↩