Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Sunday, 23 January 1876

Dimanche, 23 janvier 1876

I am making myself a large white garment for the house — for the spring in Nice — and I am sad; I am bored in Rome; it seems to me it is already time to return. An absence from Nice cannot last more than three weeks. Nice — miserable city — why can I not live there as I love to! I was at church — I know no one!

Je me fais un large vetement blanc pour la maison pour le printemps a Nice et je suis triste, je m'ennuie a Rome, il me semble qu'il y est deja temps de retourner. Une absence de Nice ne peut pas durer plus de trois semaines. Nice, miserable ville, pourquoi n'y puis-je vivre comme j'aime: J'etais a l'eglise, je ne connais personne !

In Nice I know everyone. But to live in Nice otherwise than as a queen is not worth the trouble. Nice is too small to live in simply. What am I saying! In Nice I know everyone! But I know no one in Nice, and no one wants us!

A Nice je connais tout le monde. Mais vivre a Nice, autrement qu'en reine, ne vaut pas la peine. Nice est trop petite pour qu'on y vive simplement. Qu'est-ce que je dis donc ! A Nice je connais tout le monde ! Mais je ne connais personne a Nice, et personne ne veut de nous !

I should like to stop speaking of it — it is known, very well known, and is implied on every page. So — let us say no more of it.

Je voudrais bien ne plus parler de cela, c'est connu, tres connu, et c'est sous-entendu a chaque page. Ainsi, n'en parlons plus.

(Annotation of the B.N.:1 folio 9 is mutilated — 17 September 1938. P.M.B.)

(Annotation de la B.N. le feuillet 9 est mutile, le 17 septembre 1938 . PMB]

I am sad — I am abroad — I want to go home, for one day only, for if I stay longer I would have to leave again. I have not a single soul to occupy me, and I cannot stay in one place.

Je suis triste, je suis a l'etranger, j'ai envie de retourner chez moi, pour un jour seulement, car si j'y reste plus longtemps encore partir. Je n'ai pas une ame qui m'occupe et je ne puis rester en place.

Why are we so badly off in Nice?

Pourquoi sommes-nous si mal a Nice ?

Ah! How bored I am! If only we were all together. What a mad idea to separate like this! One must always be together — the tedium seems less, one feels better. Never, never shall we divide again into two. We should be a hundred times better off together: grandfather, my aunt, Walitsky, everyone.

Ah ! comme je m'ennuie ! Si au moins nous etions tous ensemble. Quelle folle idee de se separer ainsi ! Il faut toujours etre ensemble, les ennuis semblent moindres, on se sent mieux. Jamais, jamais on ne se partagera plus en deux. Nous serions cent fois mieux ensemble, grand-papa, ma tante, Walitsky, tout le monde.

Does one know what Walitsky is? I have been content until now to designate him by a W. Walitsky is the son of Monsieur Walitsky of Kharkov, who married the Baroness Rosen. Formerly they were wealthy — but the father, through too much trust and goodness, ruined himself; he and his wife died. Our Walitsky has two sisters and two brothers; as for him, he is our friend as his father was our friend. Walitsky is the most devoted, the most disinterested, the most honest, the best creature in the world. He is more than a friend, more than a relation — he is for each of us a second self.2 He is grumpy, tedious sometimes — but that is nothing. Now that you know him, I shall continue to designate him by a W.

Sait-on ce que c'est que Walitsky ? Je me suis contentee jusqu'a present de le designer par un W. Walitsky est le fils de M Walitsky de Kharkov, marie a la baronne Rosen. Avant ils etaient riches; mais le pere, par trop de confiance et de bonte, s'est ruine, il est mort lui et sa femme. Notre Walitsky a deux soeurs et deux freres, quant a lui il est notre ami comme son pere etait notre ami. Walitsky c'est la creature la plus devouee, la plus desinteressee, la plus honnete, la meilleure du monde. Il est plus qu'un ami, plus qu'un parent, il est pour chacun de nous un second soi-meme. Il est grognon, ennuyeux quelquefois, mais ce n'est rien. A present qu'on le connait je continuerai a le designer par un W.

There are so many people at the Villa Borghese that I am dizzy.

Il y a tant de monde a la villa Borghese que je suis etourdie.

We have seen the tall Doria3 twice — once at the entrance and once inside the villa. He recognised me. The Princess was walking there with her red livery. I am looked at a great deal on account of my white dress and feel embarrassed. At the Pincio and the Corso, an enormous crowd.

Nous avons vu deux fois le grand Doria, une fois a l'entree et une fois dans la villa. Il m'a reconnue. La princesse se promenait la avec sa livree rouge. Je suis tres regardee a cause de ma robe blanche, et je me sens genee. Au Pincio et au Corso un monde fou.

In the evening we go to the Teatro Apollo4 — they are performing La Vestale5 and a ballet.

Le soir nous allons au teatro Apollo, on donne "La Vestale" et un ballet.

I am in white with a Greek coiffure.6 There is a large audience and above all many men — between our box and the stage there was not a single woman.

Je suis en blanc et une coiffure grecque. Il y a beaucoup de monde et surtout beaucoup d'hommes, entre notre loge et la scene il n'y avait pas une femme.

The Marquis de Villamarina Montereno looked at me a great deal through his opera glass — he remembers...7

Le marquis de Villamarina Montereno m'a beaucoup lorgnee, il se souvient de.......

[Written upside down, at the foot of the page] A white oratory, a studio, a bronze machine to beat upon. (Caracalla)8

[Ecrit a l'envers, en fin de page] / Un oratoire blanc, un atelier, une machine en bronze pour battre dessus. (Caracalla)

Notes

"B.N." — the Bibliothèque Nationale (now Bibliothèque nationale de France), where the original manuscript of Marie's diary is held. "P.M.B." is the archival notation of the curator; the annotation dates the discovery of damage to the manuscript. ↩
"Un second soi-même" — a second self: the classical philosophical formulation of true friendship (from Aristotle via Cicero); applied by Marie to Walitsky with unusual warmth and gravity. ↩
"The tall Doria" (le grand Doria): a member of the Doria family distinguished by his height; apparently a recurring presence on the Roman promenade. ↩
The Teatro Apollo: the principal opera house in Rome, built in 1795 on the site of the Castel Sant'Angelo's ramparts; it was demolished in 1889 to make way for the embankment of the Tiber. ↩
==La Vestale==: opera by Gaspare Spontini (1807); a tragedy set in ancient Rome featuring a Vestal Virgin who breaks her vow of chastity for love; one of the great works of early 19th-century opera. ↩
A Greek coiffure (coiffure grecque): the classical hairstyle Marie has been practising throughout the carnet — hair arranged in bands and coils following ancient sculptures. ↩
The ellipsis is Marie's own — a characteristic teasing gesture, leaving unspecified what the Marquis "remembers" of a previous encounter. ↩
Marie's jotted wish-list for her ideal home — the bronze machine refers back to her January 12 entry, where she admired Caracalla's bronze doors and resolved to have one to recall their sound. An oratory (private chapel) and a studio complete the dream. ↩