Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 12 January 1876

Facciotti came and I took my first singing lesson. I made the sign of the cross inwardly and began, trembling.
Facciotti was expecting the small voice of a rich young lady — he was quite astonished to hear a large, powerful, and round voice.
So I have begun studying singing — cultivating my voice, one of my means of becoming famous. For there is nothing in the world like thrilling triumphs: when by a single note, by [Words blacked out: a kind of] inspiration, one stirs the enthusiasm of that mass of people; when one is applauded, acclaimed, covered with flowers; and one feels that this triumph belongs to oneself alone, that one dominates all that world, [Words blacked out: when it] listens breathlessly and enchanted — one must feel more than a woman. That triumph and that power can be compared only to those of emperors.
After the lesson I occupied myself with making a dressing gown, then we went out. I visited the Temple of Vesta, il battistero di Costantino with its marvellous 5th-century mosaics and columns of porphyry taken from the palace of the Caesars; then the Pauline Fountain, from a height from which one commands all Rome; then the Temple of Peace, and the Colosseum again, and then a great many different ruins.
I have decidedly developed a taste for cracked columns — more than a taste, for after all these visits I was so enthused, so filled with wonder, and I should like to spend my life admiring those glorious remains which prove how low we have fallen! Fragments of columns, cornices, and walls are found, and they ornament gardens with them like precious stones — [Words blacked out: but if we] regard a wretched piece of wall as magnificent, what should we say if we were shown Rome in the time of her greatness!
When I think that that imbecile Caracalla, that dreadful wearer of Gallic dress — when I think that in his baths he had bronze doors of rare beauty, I shiver with envy. To recall the sound of his doors, I shall have a bronze machine hung in my house and beat upon it.
We go on to the Pincio, and it begins to rain. So we return home, and Botkine and his cousin come to call. Botkine gives me the address of a sculptor — the finest in Italy. I shall have myself sculpted; I shall place myself in a niche in my room and worship myself.
When these Russians leave I go back to making my dressing gown and saying all manner of things — elevating myself to the rank of goddess, then descending to calling myself a little bundle of dirty laundry.
I am quite delighted to produce a quantity of extravagances and make Maman and Dina laugh.
I receive a letter from Ricardo — this charming friend gives me all the news of Nice. Prodgers gave an evening party, and everyone went to her house. "Audiffret and Suetonius were competing for the attention of the hostess, and at two o'clock in the morning each departed perfectly happy and perfectly contented to have been at Mme Prodgers's."
It seems that at the consul's, in front of a good number of people, there was talk of us, and the consul and his wife had only good things to say. "I was glad," says Barnola, "to see that they are indeed your friends, even though you no longer see one another as often."
This surprises me — yet I am very happy, very calm, and I go to bed saying that my sole ambition at present is to call M. Galula simply Galula — without the title.
Tomorrow is our 1st January — although I am entirely detached from the Russian world, I place a comb under my pillow.
I made a bet of a hundred francs with Maman — she maintained that la Pie rasée would come to call on us immediately upon our return, and I maintained the contrary. I should very much like to lose.

Notes

A "petite voix de demoiselle riche" — the thin, untrained voice typical of wealthy amateurs who had sung for drawing-room amusement without serious study. ↩
"Voix ronde" — a musical term for a full, resonant, well-rounded tone. ↩
Peignoir: a loose dressing gown; in the 1870s, an informal home garment worn while dressing or in relaxed domestic settings. ↩
Il battistero di Costantino (Italian): the Baptistery of Constantine — the Lateran Baptistery, built in the 4th century near the Basilica of San Giovanni in Laterano. ↩
Porphyry: a hard, purple-red igneous stone prized by Roman emperors; columns of porphyry were the ultimate mark of imperial grandeur. ↩
Emperor Caracalla (r. 198–217 AD), named after the long hooded Gallic cloak (caracallus) he habitually wore. His baths (the Thermae Antoninianae) were among the largest and most opulent in Rome. ↩
Marie's characteristic self-oscillation between grandiosity and self-contempt — within the same afternoon. ↩
"Galula tout court" — to use his name without the formal "Monsieur"; a measure of intimacy or friendly familiarity. ↩
The Russian Orthodox New Year fell on 13 January (Gregorian calendar), as the Russian Church observed the Julian calendar, thirteen days behind. The divination ritual of placing a comb under the pillow was traditional on New Year's Eve. ↩
La Pie rasée — the Shaved Magpie: Marie's nickname for Audiffret, alluding to his clean-shaven face and chattering sociability. ↩