Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 12 January 1876

Mercredi, 12 janvier 1876

Facciotti came and I took my first singing lesson. I made the sign of the cross inwardly and began, trembling.

Facciotti est venu et j'ai pris ma premiere lecon de chant. J'ai fait mentalement un signe de croix et j'ai commence en tremblant.

Facciotti was expecting the small voice of a rich young lady1 — he was quite astonished to hear a large, powerful, and round voice.2

Facciotti s'attendait a une petite voix de demoiselle riche, il fut tout etonne d'entendre une grande et forte et ronde voix.

So I have begun studying singing — cultivating my voice, one of my means of becoming famous. For there is nothing in the world like thrilling triumphs: when by a single note, by [Words blacked out: a kind of] inspiration, one stirs the enthusiasm of that mass of people; when one is applauded, acclaimed, covered with flowers; and one feels that this triumph belongs to oneself alone, that one dominates all that world, [Words blacked out: when it] listens breathlessly and enchanted — one must feel more than a woman. That triumph and that power can be compared only to those of emperors.

J'ai donc commence a etudier le chant, a cultiver ma voix, un de mes moyens pour devenir celebre. Car il n'y a rien au monde comme les triomphes palpitants; quand par une note, par [Mots noircis: une sorte] d'inspiration, on souleve l'enthousiasme de cette masse, quand on est applaudi, acclame, couvert de fleurs, et qu'on sent qu'on doit ce triomphe a soi-meme, qu'on domine tout ce monde, [Mots noircis: quand il vous] ecoute haletant et charme, on doit se sentir plus qu'une femme, ce triomphe la et cette puissance ne peuvent se comparer qu'a ceux des empereurs.

After the lesson I occupied myself with making a dressing gown,3 then we went out. I visited the Temple of Vesta, il battistero di Costantino4 with its marvellous 5th-century mosaics and columns of porphyry5 taken from the palace of the Caesars; then the Pauline Fountain, from a height from which one commands all Rome; then the Temple of Peace, and the Colosseum again, and then a great many different ruins.

Apres la lecon je me suis occupee a me faire un peignoir, puis, nous sommes sorties, j'ai visite le temple de Vesta, il battistero di Costantino avec ces merveilleuses mosaiques du 5eme siecle, ces colonnes de porphyre prises au palais des Cesars; puis la fontaine Paulien, sur une hauteur de laque on domine tout Rome puis le temple de la Paix, et le Colisee encore, puis un tas de ruines differentes.

I have decidedly developed a taste for cracked columns — more than a taste, for after all these visits I was so enthused, so filled with wonder, and I should like to spend my life admiring those glorious remains which prove how low we have fallen! Fragments of columns, cornices, and walls are found, and they ornament gardens with them like precious stones — [Words blacked out: but if we] regard a wretched piece of wall as magnificent, what should we say if we were shown Rome in the time of her greatness!

Decidement j'ai pris gout aux colonnes craquees, plus que gout car, apres toutes ces visites, je fus tant enthousiasmee, tant emerveillee et je voudrais passer ma vie a admirer ces restes glorieux qui nous prouvent combien nous sommes tombes bas ! On retrouve des fragments de colonnes, de corniches, de murs, et on en orne les jardins, comme des pierres precieuses, [Mots noircis: mais si nous] regardons comme une magnificence un vil morceau de maison, que dirions-nous donc si on nous montrait Rome au temps de sa grandeur !

When I think that that imbecile Caracalla,6 that dreadful wearer of Gallic dress — when I think that in his baths he had bronze doors of rare beauty, I shiver with envy. To recall the sound of his doors, I shall have a bronze machine hung in my house and beat upon it.

Quand je pense que cet imbecile de Caracalla, cet affreux porteur de vetement gaulois, quand je pense qu'il avait dans ses thermes des portes en bronze d'une beaute rare, je fremis d'envie. Pour me rappeler le son de ses portes, je ferai suspendre chez moi une machine en bronze et je tapera/ *dessus.*

We go on to the Pincio, and it begins to rain. So we return home, and Botkine and his cousin come to call. Botkine gives me the address of a sculptor — the finest in Italy. I shall have myself sculpted; I shall place myself in a niche in my room and worship myself.

Nous allons ensuite au Pincio et il commence a pleuvoir. Alors nous rentrons et Botkine et son cousin viennent nous voir. Botkine me donne l'adresse d'un sculpteur, le premier d'Italie. Je vais me faire sculpter, je me placerai dans une niche dans ma chambre et je m'adorerai.

When these Russians leave I go back to making my dressing gown and saying all manner of things — elevating myself to the rank of goddess, then descending to calling myself a little bundle of dirty laundry.7

Quand ces Russses partent je me remets a faire mon peignoir et a dire un tas de choses, a m'elever au rang de deesse puis a descendre juqu'a me dire un petit paquet de linge sale.

I am quite delighted to produce a quantity of extravagances and make Maman and Dina laugh.

Je suis toute contente de debiter une quantite d'extravagances et de faire rire maman et Dina.

I receive a letter from Ricardo — this charming friend gives me all the news of Nice. Prodgers gave an evening party, and everyone went to her house. "Audiffret and Suetonius were competing for the attention of the hostess, and at two o'clock in the morning each departed perfectly happy and perfectly contented to have been at Mme Prodgers's."

Je recois une lettre de Ricardo, ce charmant ami me donne toutes les nouvelles de Nice. Prodgers a fait une soiree et tout le monde est alle chez elle. "Audiffret et Suetonius se disputaient les regards de la maitresse de maison et a deux heures du matin chacun s'est en alle tout heureux et tout content d'avoir ete chez Mme Prodgers.

It seems that at the consul's, in front of a good number of people, there was talk of us, and the consul and his wife had only good things to say. "I was glad," says Barnola, "to see that they are indeed your friends, even though you no longer see one another as often."

Il parait que, devant bon nombre de personnes chez le consul, on a parle de nous et le consul et sa femme n'ont dit que du bien, "J'etais, heureux dit Barnola, de voir qu'ils sont bien vos amis quoique vous ne vous frequentiez plus aussi souvent".

This surprises me — yet I am very happy, very calm, and I go to bed saying that my sole ambition at present is to call M. Galula simply Galula — without the title.8

Voila qui me surprend, enfin je suis tres heureuse, tres tranquille et je vais me coucher en disant que mon unique ambition a present c'et de nommer M. Galula, Galula tout court.

Tomorrow is our 1st January9 — although I am entirely detached from the Russian world, I place a comb under my pillow.

Demain c'est notre 1er janvier, bien que je sois entierement detachee du monde russe, je me mets un peigne sous l'oreiller.

I made a bet of a hundred francs with Maman — she maintained that la Pie rasée10 would come to call on us immediately upon our return, and I maintained the contrary. I should very much like to lose.

J'ai fait un pari de cent francs avec maman, elle soutenait que *la Pie rasee* viendrait chez nous aussitot notre retour, et je soutenais le contraire. Je voudrais bien perdre.

Notes

A "petite voix de demoiselle riche" — the thin, untrained voice typical of wealthy amateurs who had sung for drawing-room amusement without serious study. ↩
"Voix ronde" — a musical term for a full, resonant, well-rounded tone. ↩
Peignoir: a loose dressing gown; in the 1870s, an informal home garment worn while dressing or in relaxed domestic settings. ↩
==Il battistero di Costantino== (Italian): the Baptistery of Constantine — the Lateran Baptistery, built in the 4th century near the Basilica of San Giovanni in Laterano. ↩
Porphyry: a hard, purple-red igneous stone prized by Roman emperors; columns of porphyry were the ultimate mark of imperial grandeur. ↩
Emperor Caracalla (r. 198–217 AD), named after the long hooded Gallic cloak (caracallus) he habitually wore. His baths (the Thermae Antoninianae) were among the largest and most opulent in Rome. ↩
Marie's characteristic self-oscillation between grandiosity and self-contempt — within the same afternoon. ↩
"Galula tout court" — to use his name without the formal "Monsieur"; a measure of intimacy or friendly familiarity. ↩
The Russian Orthodox New Year fell on 13 January (Gregorian calendar), as the Russian Church observed the Julian calendar, thirteen days behind. The divination ritual of placing a comb under the pillow was traditional on New Year's Eve. ↩
La Pie rasée — the Shaved Magpie: Marie's nickname for Audiffret, alluding to his clean-shaven face and chattering sociability. ↩