Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff

[A few words crossed out]

[Quelques mots cancelles]

Today is the afternoon party.

Aujourd'hui c'est la matinee.

Damn rascal Biou!1

Cre coquin de Biou !

No one mentions it; I do not either. This silence saves me a fit of despair.

On n'en parle pas, moi non plus. Ce silence me sauve un acces de desespoir.

The most atrocious thing is that it was spoken of to the Surprising One. Oh! — let us not despair for ten pages. It ruins my complexion.

Ce qu'il y a de plus atroce c'est qu'on en a parle au Surprenant. Oh ! n'allons pas nous desesperer pendant dix pages. Ca me gate le teint.

I was on foot with Collignon, and the Surprising One was in a carriage; I walked on the pavement (that is, along the house side) — but my heel caught in my skirt, which forced me to take the carriage. We drive out with my Graces; then I take them home; and I was about to leave when Walitsky arrived.

J'etais a pied avec Collignon et le Surprenant etait en voiture, je marchais sur le trottoir (c'est-a-dire du cote des maisons) mais mon talon s'accrochait a la jupe, ce qui me forca de prendre la voiture. Nous nous promenons avec mes Graces puis je les ramene chez elles, et j'allais partir quand vint Walitsky.

"Are you coming?" I asked him. He did not answer, according to his charming habit.

- Tu viens ? lui demandai-je. Il ne repondit pas selon sa charmante habitude.

"Come now, my dear — are you coming or not?"

- Allons, mon cher, viens-tu ou ne viens-tu pas ?

At that very moment the Surprising One passed so close to the carriage that I thought he would stop — but he contented himself with bowing to me very low, with a studied smile, and continued slowly on his way.

En ce moment juste le Surprenant passa si pres de la voiture que je crus qu'il allait s'arreter mais il se contenta de me saluer fort bas avec un sourire compose, et continua lentement son chemin.

You understand why I recount the smallest things in detail? Afterwards I may take the fancy perhaps of adoring this moujik2 — and I should be furious not to have noted everything.

Vous comprenez pourquoi je raconte les moindres choses en detail ? Apres il me viendra la fantaisie peut-etre d'adorer ce moujik et je serais furieuse de ne pas avoir note tout.

Varpahovsky dines with us — he is beginning to seem amusing to me. Until dinner I feel very unhappy; after it I go to dress for the Opera.

Varpahovsky dine chez nous, il commence a me sembler amusant. Jusqu'a diner je me sens fort malheureuse et apres je vais faire ma toilette pour l'Opera.

I dress myself as I like myself best: an Empire gown,3 bare neck, no ornament, and nothing in the hair. What to call this toilette? Let us call it Olympus — it is a little pretentious, but bah! A fresh, radiant face — in short, as one paints those goddesses, half-naked, head tilted back, lips slightly parted to reveal small white teeth.

Je m'habille comme je m'aime le mieux. Robe Empire, le cou nu, aucun ornement, et rien dans les cheveux. Comment appeler cette toilette, appelons la Olympe, c'est un peu pretentieux mais bah ! Une figure fraiche et radieuse. En un mot comme on peint ces deesses a moitie nues, a la tete renversee en arriere, a la bouche entrouverte laissant voir des dents petites et blanches.

We arrive very late. The three Graces, Audiffret, Tournon, and Belle-de-Jour are at their posts. Ricardo comes to see us. For a whole interval Audiffret and Belle-de-Jour had gone out; I was already beginning to be bored when they returned. Tournon goes away altogether — I begin to be vexed. But all at once, at the last act, he returns.

Nous arrivons fort tard. Les trois Graces, Audiffret, Tournon et Belle-de-Jour sont a leur poste. Ricardo vient nous voir. Pendant tout un entracte Audiffret et Belle-de-Jour etaient sortis, je commencais deja a m'ennuyer lorsqu'ils rentrerent. Tournon s'en va tout a fait, je commence a etre fachee. Mais tout a coup, au dernier acte, il revient.

"I am going to leave," says Ricardo, "for these gentlemen want to come — the other evening, after my departure, you had a full box."

- Je vais m'en aller, dit Ricardo, car ces messieurs ont envie de venir, l'autre soir, apres mon depart, vous avez eu la loge pleine.

And at once Tournon comes. That is all I wanted. He is ugly and worn — but perfectly correct and noble, while a certain person of my acquaintance "will not be able to say as much."

Et aussitot Tournon vient. C'est tout ce que je voulais. Il est laid et use mais comme il faut et noble, tandis que certaine personne de ma connaissance "ne pourra pas en dire autant".

That person is too pretty this evening, which gives a rather stupid air to his long nose.

Cette personne est trop jolie ce soir, ce qui donne un air un peu bete a son long nez.

Tournon says that the soirées — of which one is pelted with invitations in Nice — bore him, and that he prefers the small gathering. If he knew what I think of what he likes! Yes — but he does not know, for I agree with him, and my aunt says to him:

Tournon dit que les soirees, dont on est crible a Nice l'ennuient, qu'il aime mieux le petit comite. S'il savait ce que je pense de ce qu'il aime ! Oui, mais il ne le sait pas, car je suis de son avis et ma tante lui dit:

"If you are not afraid of being bored in a family circle, I shall be very happy to see you at our house — and in the evenings too."

- Si vous n'avez pas peur de vous ennuyer en famille, je serai tres heureuse de vous voir chez nous, et le soir aussi.

We leave the box together — but as the Comte has left his overcoat there he goes to fetch it. On the staircase the Surprising One comes to wish me good evening and descends beside me.

Nous sortons ensemble de la loge, mais comme le comte a laisse son paletot la-bas il va le chercher. Sur l'escalier le Surprenant me vient dire bonsoir et descend a cote de moi.

"How are you, Mademoiselle?"

- Comment allez-vous, Mademoiselle ?

"Very well, thank you — and you, Monsieur?"

- Tres bien, merci, et vous, Monsieur ?

"Very well."

- Tres bien.

"I ask because a lady found you very pale today, Monsieur."

- Je vous demande cela, Monsieur, parce qu'une dame vous a trouve fort pale aujourd'hui.

"I am very well indeed."

- Moi, je me porte tres bien.

"Tell me, Monsieur," I interrupt him, "are not the yellow boots the tenor wore tonight the same ones that Mme Pasqua wears when she sings Mignon?"

- Dites-moi Monsieur, l'interrompis-je, n'est-ce pas que les bottines jaunes que portait ce soir le tenor sont les memes que Mme Pasqua met quand elle chante "Mignon" ?

"Ah! — that I do not know!"

- Ah ! ca je ne sais pas !

As we had descended the staircase, I left my escort there — exactly as he would have done himself — and entered the salon; my aunt and Dina followed me.

Comme nous avions descendu l'escalier, je laissai la mon cavalier, tout comme il aurait fait lui-meme, et j'entrai dans le salon, ma tante et Dina me suivirent.

And immediately the Surprising One came towards us and beckoned his followers to come also. He must always summon someone — he has a mania for gathering a crowd around himself, like tooth-pullers and charlatans,4 and for holding forth to them — seated on his cane, gesticulating, and sometimes dancing.

Et a l'instant le Surprenant vint vers nous et fit signe a ses acolytes de venir aussi. Il faut toujours qu'il appelle quelqu'un, il a la rage de rassembler une foule autour de soi, comme les arracheurs de dents et les charlatans, et de lui debiter un tas de choses, assis sur sa canne, gesticulant, et quelquefois dansant.

Having exchanged a few words with these gentlemen, I begin to recite the recitatives from Il Barbiere; the Surprising One says something or other to me, and I answer him in phrases from Il Barbiere, looking at him with a very indifferent air.

Ayant echange quelques paroles avec ces messieurs, je me mets a reciter les recitatifs du Barbier, le Surprenant me dit je ne sais quoi et je lui reponds par des phrases du Barbier et le regarde d'un air tres indifferent.

Tournon is very amiable and I play the child. I tell him of the difficulties I had in obtaining a long dress. He compliments my toilette and follows me to the carriage, stumbling over my train and saying I no longer know what.

Tournon est fort aimable et je fais l'enfant. Je lui raconte les difficultes que j'ai eues pour obtenir une robe longue. Il fait compliment sur ma toilette et me suit jusqu'a la voiture, trebuchant sur ma traine et me disant je ne sais plus quoi.

Well — consider: if I had seen Audiffret descending the staircase of the Théâtre Italien with Mlle de Gonzales-Moreno or another, and then going to find her in the salon, I should have become so jealous and furious that I could have rolled on the floor for half an hour.

Eh bien, voyez, si j'avais vu Audiffret descendre de l'escalier du Theatre Italien avec Mlle de Gonzales-Moreno ou une autre, puis aller la retrouver dans le salon, je serais devenue si jalouse et furieuse que c'eut ete a me rouler une demie-heure par terre.

But since it is I who have done it — behold the effect it produces on me. Audiffret has diminished by an inch — and I, who this very morning was weeping at the thought of leaving, now want to leave.

Mais puisque c'est moi, voila l'effet que cela me produit. Audiffret a diminue d'un pouce, et moi qui ce matin encore pleurais de partir, je veux partir.

"Ed ha natura sì malvaggia e ria"5 — as Dante says.

"Ed ha natura si malvaggia a ria" comme dit Dante.

When we return it is only eleven o'clock; I go to Maman and tell her of the evening. I am told that I am in love and live only through the man. I reply that it is Tournon who amuses me. I am told that Audiffret has my character, and that the best thing I could do is to marry him.

Quand nous rentrons il n'est qu'onze heures, je vais chez maman et lui raconte la soiree. On me dit que je suis amoureuse et ne vis que par l'homme. Je reponds que c'est Tournon qui m'amuse. On me dit qu'Audiffret a mon caractere et que ce que j'ai de mieux a faire c'est de l'epouser.

"Are you serious, Maman!" I say, seeing all the while that she is joking — "I, who want to go to Court, to be decorated — I to marry this little man!"

- Y pensez-vous maman ! dis-je tout en voyant qu'elle plaisantait, moi qui veux aller a la cour, etre decoree, moi epouser ce petit !

And Maman says it makes no difference, and that I think of nothing but that Shaved Magpie6 — that I live only through him. And I say he looks stupid and argue against Maman's idea — but the more I argue, the worse it is, for I am all inspired and laughing and animated.

Et maman dit que ca n'y fait rien, et que je ne pense qu'a cette *Pie rasee,* que je ne vis que par lui. Et je dis qu'il a l'air bete et combats l'idee de maman, mais plus je dis, plus c'est mal, car je suis tout inspiree et riante et amusee.

And why — I ask! Faugh — what a wretched character!

Et pourquoi, je le demande ! Fi quel miserable caractere !

Notes

Biou: Marie's affectionate-contemptuous nickname for Audiffret, a variant of "Bibi."
==moujik== (Russian): peasant — Marie's mockingly contemptuous nickname for Audiffret despite his nobility; in Russian in the original.
Empire gown (Robe Empire): a high-waisted dress in the Neoclassical style of the First Empire (early 19th century) — by 1875 a deliberate revival aesthetic, giving a statuesque, antique effect.
Tooth-pullers (arracheurs de dents): itinerant quack dentists who, before modern dentistry, drew crowds in public squares with theatrical performances before extracting teeth.
=="Ed ha natura sì malvaggia e ria"== (Italian): "And has a nature so wicked and evil" — Inferno, Canto I; Dante's description of the she-wolf, symbol of avarice; Marie applies the line to jealousy. In Italian in the original.
The Shaved Magpie (Pie rasée): Marie's mocking nickname for Audiffret, combining the magpie's chattering sociability with "shaved" — a reference to his clean-shaven face, unusual in the bearded 1870s.