Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Thursday, 14 October 1875

Sun! We shall go to the concert then. Yes, sun — but cold, so cold that I put on a thick white wool dress [Crossed out: made as a dress] in the princess style, with white braided trimmings set across from top to bottom. And a large white felt hat with white feathers.
We see Saetone — dumbfounded... Ah! But I forgot to say that yesterday all the Sapogenikoffs spent the evening with us and that I amused myself making anagrams, finding the following:
Emile Audiffret.
Fou frit d'Amélie.
Félix Galula — Déchiar:
Gracieux filet d'Allah.
L'Andriot Saëtone — Triton dans l'eau.
Arthur Danis — Soudard ahuri.
And finally, in Mademoiselle Marie de Bashkirtseff, I found — with a little good will:
Ma fidélité charme le mari obsédé.
A fine day all in all: the sea rolls its enormous waves, the wind blows, the sun shines, the municipal band wails, Danis, Laurenti, Roissard and a few others of no consequence stroll about, Andriot comes up to the landau. Gracious Thread of Allah is absent.
Well, the pirates! Fancy that — it's you!
Boo! You scoundrel! — this I address to Mme Pirate.
This scoundrel is here with her son and her old mother.
Maman looks at her with a kind of admiration that I accustomed her to back when I admired this creature — and now I see this kind of admiration with vexation.
When the pirates abduct Girofla, Father Boléro-Tiste comes running and cries:
— O pirates — M. Pirate, give me back Girofla!
We laughed a great deal at this scene and began calling Gioia Mme Pirate.
Marie recounts in the most comic fashion how that woman will abduct Coco, and how his mother will cry: O pirates, Mme Pirate, give me back Coco!
Giroflé has pointed her out to him.
— What, he has never seen her before! cried Maman. Oh!
And that Oh! seemed to say: now it is all over — one has only to see her to...
And that Oh! was supremely disagreeable to me.
The second time we encounter the jewel of my soul, she glances at me a little; I encourage her with a smile; she turns all the way round; I begin to laugh, and so does she.
Nothing would have been more foolish than a sullen expression — that would be to prove one is cross, offended. I laughed in her face; she did the same; but I must say, without effrontery, and pleasantly [Crossed out: and by these glances] — and so in a minute we had told each other everything, and laughed at it all: she at having abducted him, I at having lost him. Indeed the situation is piquant. I, face to face with Gioia. It really gives me standing.
In the middle of the Promenade we encounter Mme de Daillens, who arrived yesterday.
— Oh, but you have the air of the Grande Mademoiselle, she says to me. But where is your Lauzun?
We take her home; Maman stays with her, while I go off again with Dina and my aunt to the concert, where I see my two sympathies — Danesi and d'Aspremont. Then we go up to Nina's, and the four of us — Dina, Marie, Giroflé, and I — talk about Mme Pirate and her little ones. Marie even goes so far as to say the boy is Girofla's. In my opinion it is more likely the girl. In any case I know nothing — I did not note the ages of these creatures, and Girofla could not have any over four years old.
What business is it of mine, good Lord!
— Girofla cannot be far, said my aunt.
At any rate, the arrival of this beautiful woman has stirred me — I am no longer asleep, thank God, and tomorrow morning I shall go out. Truly this woman moves me. I love her — no one will believe me, so much the worse — for truly I love Gioia; she is beautiful and pleasant. I love her even while wanting to strangle her; she is in my way.
— She has grown more beautiful, I say in the carriage — and I feel like having her hanged.
No — without paint she would not do at all. Crumpled and faded — but painted, still very well indeed.
I should very much like to speak to her. It would be curious — for her as much as for me.
Leave that rubbish alone, girl without self-respect. No — truly, all this amuses me, amuses me, amuses me. I grow cross, and am not sorry to grow cross — in a word, it amuses me so much.
I would have said more — but the pen writes so badly tonight.
I return from Maman's after a tearful scene.
I am promised everything but believe nothing. They do not understand, or do not wish to understand. I am so desperate that I resign myself, prostrate myself before God, and await His good pleasure.
I have never seen moonlight like tonight. One would say it was day. Walking from the pavilion to the house through the garden, I was seized with an admiration large as astonishment at this singular brightness, and at the air — so cold, so light, so good.

Notes

The anagrams are approximate. "Emile Audiffret" → "Fou frit d'Amélie" (madman fried by Amélie — Marie's own first name rearranged). "Félix Galula Déchiar" → "Gracieux filet d'Allah" (gracious thread of Allah). "L'Andriot Saëtone" → "Triton dans l'eau" (Triton in the water). "Arthur Danis" → "Soudard ahuri" (dazed soldier). Each reveals Marie's attitude toward the person. ↩
"Madman fried by Amélie" — a near-anagram of Emile Audiffret, using Marie's own name (Amélie being her given first name, though she went by Marie). ↩
"Gracious thread of Allah" — a near-anagram of Félix Galula Déchiar. Marie uses this as a running nickname for Galula throughout the entry. ↩
"Triton in the water" — near-anagram of L'Andriot Saëtone. ↩
"Dazed soldier" — near-anagram of Arthur Danis. ↩
"My fidelity enchants the obsessed husband" — a near-anagram of Marie's full name. The self-portrait here is sardonic and proud simultaneously. ↩
"Mme Pirate" — Marie's nickname for Gioia, from the operetta, where pirates kidnap Girofla. Gioia is cast as the pirate who has stolen Audiffret. ↩
Boléro-Tiste is the blustering father character in Girofle-Girofla. His cry of "O pirates!" when his daughter is kidnapped had become a household joke. ↩
"The jewel of my soul" (le bijou de mon âme) — Marie's heavily ironic nickname for Gioia. ↩
Anne Marie Louise d'Orléans, Duchess of Montpensier (1627–1693), known as "la Grande Mademoiselle" — famous for her regal bearing, her secret marriage to the Duc de Lauzun, and her independent spirit during the Fronde. The comparison implies that Marie needs only to find her hero to complete the picture. ↩