Tuesday, 10 February 1874

We go to this baptism. The ceremony was comical and stupid. The bishop -- stupid, ridiculous, hypocritical. I was bored. In the evening at the Howards’, the children will perform two comedies. There were many people: the Sabatiers, with whom I became acquainted and who are very amiable; the Boutowskys, a little less gruff; and Mac Loren, very nice. Count Markoff alone was invited, which proves they have designs on him.
The stage, the curtain, the scenery, the footlights -- everything was there, a perfect theatre, in a word. They acted very well, especially Hélène and Tebbitt. I had the little Sabatier beside me (pink dress, not bad -- or rather, bad, because of the atrocious and impossible dress and the ugly hairstyle); so Maman scolded me indirectly.
I go through to the study where they dress. I see Helene’s friendship fade a little, but I only care about it for appearances’ sake. We go to the drawing room; everything is perfectly arranged. I walk about, now with Marc, now with Lise. There were many people, nearly all of whom I know by sight at least.
Mme Allen is very, very kind. I can give no details; Maman vexed me enough, always indirectly. I must go to bed; I weep because of these attacks that reproach me for my face. Can I change it! Did I make it myself! Is it my fault if there are others more beautiful than I? I have nothing to wear; I am vexed above all on account of our life, which causes me serious anxiety. My God, protect me!

Notes

In English in the original, except for the last word, which Marie writes in French: théâtre. ↩