Monday, 5 May 1873

Fine weather. At the promenade with Mme Markevitch, who has been lodging downstairs with us for two months. Mlle Collignon is ill; she has lost her voice and can barely speak — I do not know if it is a cold or her Indian. I call him so, because he was in India to make his fortune, always promising to marry her when he shall be rich enough. As if one could not work being married — I think better than alone. She believed, and he is married and l'a plantée là. We went again to the port, for I very much wished to know whose yacht it was we had seen yesterday. We passed it twice. The first time, Dina and Markevitch did not notice it, for I attracted their attention to the spot where a few months ago there was an éboulement, fearing to blush. The second time, Dina exclaimed: "Oh! there is a yacht, how lovely — whose is it?" I only waited for that and immediately offered to ask; the carriage stopped. Dominique, our coachman, said: "C'est au duc de Hamilton." Every boat is for him — that of the Duke of Hamilton. We asked a man, and he said he knows not. Dominique asked if it was not the Duke's, but the man answered (in old dialect) that he knows him perfectly and everybody knows him. I muttered some words against him: "Oh! here they know him well — he is truly a drunkard; he fell very often; all the common people know him — a scarecrow."
I said it for others, but in my mind I was delighted to hear they know him. He must be very kind, popular; he likes to joke with common people. Mlle Collignon said that in Cairo he was always "avec des âniers en petites voitures disant des bêtises."
Oh! he must be a jolly fellow — he is not a rigid and frigid Englishman! He is a polisson. Je l'adore — for all, for his character, and all. I am sure he is the most charming man; oh, he is a splendid fellow! Oh, I do not know how to express what I think of him — I will try: charming, witty, gay, beautiful, joking, prideless with low people, majestic, noble — a splendid fellow, I repeat again. If even he drinks, to another I would never have forgiven it, but in him it is charming. I would talk to him, soothe his fury when drunk, suffer all his excès. I am sure he will love me — no! If God wills, I would make him, with God's help, the happiest man. But all I shall do will be with His help, as I ask Him for everything.
There is a Comte Lauch of the Pigeon Shooting, and of the Duke's circle, who always looks at me so much. I am sure he wanted to know who we were, for today we met him with M. Randouin, who nous a salué, and seeing us, he seized him by the arm as if to ask: "Oh! who is it? Can you introduce me? I could not find anybody who knew them." Perhaps Randouin will direct him to somebody who knows us. For we know almost nobody of society. We only know Russians — old, ill-dressed people! I do not wonder if many gentlemen were not
introduced; they knew nobody who knew us. Oh — perhaps God will be so good as to make us know Lambertye, and then next year at the Pigeon Shooting, and perhaps earlier, He will make us know the Duke of Hamilton. Oh! I am mad with joy! Perhaps my prayers are heard by Him, and it is His providence that caused us to meet Lambertye with Randouin. Oh God, as we stay again this winter here, do not make it in vain — make me know him! You are so great — You are so good for me; I am Your spoiled child, if I may say so. Oh! how I love him — never in my life shall I love so again, for this is the first time, and I pray God will be the last. God! Seigneur! Seigneur! Ne m'abandonne pas! Hear! Hear my humble voice. Can it reach to You, almighty God? Hear it. Listen to me!

Notes

In English in the original.
"Left her in the lurch."
Landslide.
"It belongs to the Duke of Hamilton."
"With donkey-drivers in little carts, talking nonsense."
Rascal (affectionate).
"Lord! Lord! Do not abandon me!"