Sunday, 17 June 1883

I had written to Tony about the Étincelle article so that he would not think it was me, and here is his reply — he actually came himself around six o'clock; we keep him to dinner and the evening passes most agreeably (Bojidar and the priest were there too), talking about the dishonesty of the jury. Tony reveals the shady dealings and says that I am in an exceptional position — and a foreigner into the bargain — and that the mention has aroused protests: the fortunate have no need of anything, so they say. A charming theory. In the end, are there or are there not rewarded canvases that are not worth mine? That is what I want him to say! No doubt there are — but what does that prove?

Consider only the result, which is that today you have emerged from the crowd, that you are someone, and that this will help to secure you a medal. And in the end, he has done everything in the world to bring about this result, for this mention gives me the position I deserve and that I must be delighted with — I am not in very favourable conditions, and for there to be no possible injustice I must produce a work that is not merely good but that imposes itself. I know... In short — *Saturday, 18 June 1883*

Attention. This is a small event: I have granted for this morning at eleven o'clock an audience to the correspondent of the Novoye Vremya (of Petersburg), who had requested it by letter. It is a very important newspaper, and this M. Bagnitsky sends, among other things, studies on our painters in Paris — and as "you occupy among them a notable position, you will permit me I hope etc." Ah ha! Before coming downstairs I leave him a few minutes with my aunt, who prepares my entrance by talking about my youth and all manner of things to establish our credentials. He looks over all the canvases and takes notes — when I began, where, at what age, and how, and details, and... In short... I am an artist about whom the correspondent of a great newspaper is going to write a study. It is a beginning, and it is the mention that earns me this — and... provided the article is good; I do not know exactly whether the notes were well taken, for I did not hear everything, and that is indeed quite annoying.

Tony does full justice to Bastien, toward whom I affect severity; we talked of Millet and he said exactly what I had thought the day before yesterday — that Millet is the impression and poetic expression of nature, a certain way of understanding the peasant, the man bound to the earth, whereas Bastien... Tony is not very fond of his peasants; what he admires are the portraits — masterpieces, he says. I believe it. And Jeanne d'Arc? That sublime inspiration...

In short, where did anyone get the idea that Bastien was the quintessential painter of peasants?... That is absurd.

And I? Well, I am a little uneasy — I have, after all, sat for a journalist... And aside from that, I did not talk enough... If he takes it for youthful shyness, that will be perfect, but... All the same, I could have talked about the fine arts. What did I say to him? How did I come across? What will he say? Ah, I was foolish. It is my aunt and Dina who... said everything — what? I await this article with anxiety... And I shall have to wait a fortnight... We insisted above all on my youth... and having slept badly, I had a tired face that looked older than nature... In short — *Tuesday, 19 June 1883*