❦
Friday, 19 January 1883
I force myself to paint a hand very well and it makes me nearly ill.
Je me force a faire tres bien une main et ca me rend presque malade.
What shall I have at the Salon?
Qu'aurai-je au Salon ?
A portrait of Dina and one of little Peyronney? Only two months remain. It is pitiful.
Un portrait de Dina et un de la petite Peyronney ? Il ne reste plus que deux mois. C'est pitoyable.
I cannot leave off the study I have begun... And to toil at it too fiercely leads nowhere... I am exhausted from it, and yet I want to continue all the same.
Je ne peux pas sortir de l'etude entreprise... Et trop s'y acharner ne mene a rien...
The remorse of having had a bad day's work agitates me and pursues me even to bed, and I am forced to take a sedative to keep from thinking. It is a series of such efforts that can produce a good result... Alas, anything in the world — only let me show something worthwhile...
Le remords d'avoir fait une mauvaise journee m'agite et me poursuit jusque dans mon lit...