Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff

Something is moving in there. Well — I am beginning to exaggerate. No, but it is true — something is moving, and it is impossible to... [Part of the page left blank in the manuscript] — who is neither just nor good, who will probably punish me still for daring to say it. He frightens me so much that I am going to submit — a submission that will not be credited to me since it is out of fear. Provided that... The fact is I cough a great deal, and I hear things in my chest... In any case, let us postpone everything to the 14th. Provided I last tolerably well until then. No fever, no drawn face... The trouble is it is so difficult if... Afterwards perhaps it will be too late — it makes such rapid progress; both sides, just think of it. Ah, wretchedness. And what makes all this especially dangerous is that in order to treat myself I must hide it...

Ca marche la dedans. Bon voila que je commence a exagerer, non mais c'est vrai ca marche et impossible de me mettre... [Partie de page blanche dans manuscrit] qui n'est ni juste ni bon, qui me punira probablement encore parce que j'ose le dire. Il me fait tellement peur que je vais me soumettre, soumission dont il ne me sera pas tenu compte puisque c'est par peur. Pourvu que... C'est que je tousse beaucoup et j'entends dans la poitrine des choses... Enfin remettons tout au 14. Pourvu que je dure convenablement jusqu'a la. Pas de fievre, pas de figure tiree... C'est que c'est difficile si... Apres peut-etre il sera trop tard, ca fait des progres si vite; les deux cotes, songez donc. Ah ! misere. Et ce qui rend tout cela surtout dangereux c'est que pour me soigner je dois me cacher...