Wednesday, 5 November 1879

I dream that Julian brings me the medal, I arrive at the atelier and learn that it is Amelie who has it. This has offended no one since it has been so long that she should have had it, but what is astonishing is that they almost gave it to an Englishwoman who has only been at Julian's for three weeks and who does not know much although she had worked before. Sarah is second, the Englishwoman third, and de Mertens fourth.
All this is so astonishing and so stupid that I am not moved by it. Only we drink punch and one must be amiable otherwise they would believe I am envious... Fie! I can be astonished but not envious. Afterwards I go to Mother Mouzay's who will introduce me to Rane, a true friend of the sun that one, and who owes her (Mouzay, while she was a laundress in the Emperor's household) a commutation of sentence, [one word cancelled] instead of Cayenne; Lambessa from which he escaped? Now he is amnestied and a friend of Gambetta as before. Rane was not a Communard, he had been compromised in a student affair under the Empire.
The Goldsmids have dined and are in the drawing room, I lie down in my atelier very dark, very comfortable, the doors well closed. Peaceful, peaceful. When one is not happy, one must at least be peaceful.