Wednesday, 6 February 1878

Asleep at half past three, up at eight, at work by nine.
Tired — and I shall have to redo my morning drawing.
Robert-Fleury came to correct us in the evening.
Maman and Dina are at the Mouzays'.
They say the Prince de Bourbon has suddenly departed for Brazil. It is quite indifferent to me — I had no use for him.
Monsieur Jamin, a student from downstairs, twenty-three years old, studying for three years, who entered the competition loge last year and won several medals at the École, has won yet another medal yesterday.
Half our atelier goes to see the exhibition from this competition. It was so amusing for these young men, who stared at us and followed us, and who were quite surprised to see me step into a coupé with Schaeppi.
This Jamin — he decidedly has talent. I have never seen him, but he interests me as a person of worth — not as a man, of course.
I have a mind to launch him.
Cassagnac must have his portrait painted; a well-known painter costs dearly, and an unknown one... would do it for nothing, but if it goes wrong Popaul loses his standing and is left with a bad portrait. Since the time when I can speak on my own behalf is still far off, and Popaul keeps getting fatter, I would rather it were this M. Jamin than
someone else — rather than Amélie, who has had it commissioned from him... but that — never in this world.
Is it not tedious enough, vexing enough, sad enough, not to be able to make one's debut with this portrait.
I hope — I so desire — that a year might pass, a year or eighteen months; at the end of that time I suppose I shall be capable of painting whatever I wish.
Men have the École with all its resources... and us! Wretchedness!! Well.
Oh! My God, if only I had begun even two years ago!! It drives me mad.

Notes

"Mounted to the loge": entered the enclosed competition studios at the École des Beaux-Arts, prerequisite for Prix de Rome candidates. Women were not admitted.