Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 21 August 1877

I have found a friend, a girl, in Hall. Just think — she drinks cherry syrup like me. I love her; she is frank and loves me dearly. This does not suit the barons, who no longer go for walks or have supper with us.
We sat for a group portrait at Walery's — myself, my aunt, Hall and Etienne.
I saw Berthe and her sister in mourning — and in Paris!
I am writing this evening to ask what has happened.
Coming home, I find a Worth gown and tear it — because I am furious... Not furious but extinguished, drained, spent, evaporated.
I almost want to write to Larderei... he would not understand! He would take my letter for a provocation, for reproaches... for everything except what I mean.
I hope I shall see him again, and it is better to wait...