Saturday, 7 July 1877

Usually it takes me eight days to equip myself. This time I have been at it for sixteen days and have nothing.
Worth and Laferrière are holding all my bodices — which have to be done over and each time turn out worse. What is curious is that after three or four fittings everything is too tight to the point of absurdity.
The sequel of my reflections on Foster's letter has suggested ideas and projects on which I shall work little by little; you shall know of them if they take on some substance — otherwise there is no point in wearying you with these small intrigues.
I shall show myself very little in Paris — there are too many people here from Nice; besides… Paris is large… but… unfortunately that crowd always manages to find one another, and the rest matters little. I do not think the Boyds will be a serious social support. And what will harm us greatly is that they saw us at Nice in a rather unfortunate position. We shall see this winter. My mind is at rest when I think of my supreme refuge — the Arts. And then a Season in London presents itself as a very cheerful prospect: the Fosters, a friend of Mme Anitchkoff's at the embassy, and Lady Paget, Berthe's elder sister. And then always — and then a journey to Spain, a new country, removed from all the unpleasantness that has pursued me until now. That is more than enough to restore me, and to let me pass over in silence the present moment.
It is God who in his universal and immeasurable goodness has deigned to grant me these consoling hopes — of which I should like to call myself unworthy… but I assuredly am, since he grants them to me.
[Crossed out: Sunday, 8 July 1877]
They say that M. Louis Janvier de la Motte was greatly frightened by my determined manner:
— She would keep me under her slipper; I am a child before her.
You see, good people, what comes of taking advice! I consented, with great reluctance, to attend that evening — and I took an instant dislike to those gentlemen from the very first moment. And now it is they who say they did not find me to their taste. The devil take the baronne and all these French customs and usages! When shall I listen to no one but myself? Some people deplore their disobedience — as for me, I have only to repent when I have followed an opinion or heeded advice. One learns true wisdom only through one's own experience.
I believe I may… say with some justice that — having been thus, for very little time besides — I have become more reasonable; I see things in a tolerably natural light and have recovered from many illusions and many griefs.
Porcinari writes from Naples that he and his family will shortly be at Aix-les-Bains, and that Melissano is in Rome.
In any case a stay of some length at Aix would perhaps fit well into the picture. Nothing prevents making the acquaintance of the Princesse de Piedimonte under the easy social conditions of a spa town. The Princess would be a treasure for Naples.