Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 19 January 1876

Mercredi, 19 janvier 1876

My aunt writes that Count Markoff has been to call on her. It pleases me to see that he continues to be civil — I was already afraid he might become like the others; he comes every winter and has always remained the same towards us.

Ma tante ecrit que le comte Markoff a ete chez elle. Cela me fait plaisir de voir qu'il continue a etre poli, je craignais deja qu'il devint comme les autres, lui qui vient chaque hiver et qui est reste toujours le meme envers nous.

You cannot imagine how much I value people like Mme de Mouzay, de Daillens, de Ballorе and her daughters, Barnola, Bihovetz, Galula, Pepino, Markoff. That, I believe, is the list of those who have not spat on us.1 These names, whatever they may be, are written in letters of gold in my heart — but the names of the others in letters of fire.

Vous ne sauriez croire combien j'apprecie les personnes comme de Mouzay, de Daillens, de Ballote et ses filles, Barnola, Bihovetz, Galula, Pepino, Markoff. Voila je crois la liste de ceux qui ne nous ont pas crache dessus. Les noms, quels qu'ils soient, sont ecrits en lettres d'or dans mon coeur, mais les noms des autres en lettres de feu.

Immediately after my painting lesson we go to visit the Galerie Spada,2 where there are nothing but bad pictures which, for being old, are no less daubs.3 But the statue is curious to see — if it is indeed the statue of Pompey at whose feet the unfortunate and divine Caesar was assassinated by a mob of vile brutes. It is even asserted that the stain on the knee is a stain of Caesar's blood. From there we go to the church of Saint John Lateran,4 immense and magnificent. A few paltry details at the high altar, however, and not quite enough symmetry for the church to be perfect.

Tout de suite apres ma lecon de peinture nous allons visiter la galerie Spada ou il n'y a que de vilains tableaux qui pour etre vieux n'en sont pas moins des croutes. Mais la statue est curieuse a voir, si c'est veritablement la statue de Pompee aux pieds de laquelle le malheureux et divin Cesar a ete assassine par un tas de viles brutes. On assure meme que la tache du genou est une tache du sang de Cesar. De la nous allons a l'eglise de Saint-Jean de Latran, immense et magnifique. Quelques petitesses cependant au maitre autel, et pas autant de symetrie qu'il en faudrait pour que l'eglise soit parfaite.

After seeing the palaces and churches of Rome one must either cut one's throat or renounce everything. How can a magnificent house please — I no longer speak of a pretty one — after all this grandeur? How to ornament one's house after the ornaments one sees here?

Apres avoir vu les palais et les eglises de Rome il faut ou se couper la gorge ou renoncer a tout. Comment peut plaire une magnifique maison, (je ne parle plus d'une jolie) apres toutes ces grandeurs. Comment orner sa maison apres les ornements qu'on voit ici ?

How to be satisfied with the finest carved wood ceiling after mosaic ceilings? All these columns I adore, all these statues — everything confounds me and makes me envy... whom? The king, the Pope, the world. I should like to be rich enough to buy all the masterpieces and lock them up in the finest palace in the world.

Comment se contenter du plus beau plafond en bois sculpte apres les plafons en mosaique ? Toutes ces colonnes que j'adore, toutes ces statues, tout cela me confond et me fait envier... qui ? Le roi, le pape, le monde. Je voudrais etre assez riche pour acheter tous les chefs d'oeuvre et les enfermer dans le plus beau palais du monde.

As for beautiful things I would discard them, keeping only the most beautiful; with severity I would not keep very many. Vain dreams!

Quand aux choses belles je les abandonnerais, je ne prendrais que les plus belles, et avec severite je ne prendrais pas beaucoup. Vains reves !

In this church we met Baroness Ixhull, who came to Maman and spoke with her at length, apologising on account of her husband's illness for not having called yet. Maman went to her house last Sunday — that makes three days.

Dans cette eglise nous avons rencontre la barone Ixhull qui s'est approchee de maman et lui a longtemps parle s'excusant par la maladie de son mari de n'etre pas encore venue. Maman a ete dimanche dernier chez elle, cela fait trois jours.

From there to the Pincio, then along the Corso — there is a crowd everywhere. I love this animation.

De la au Pincio, puis sur le Corso, il y a foule partout. J'aime cette animation.

I dreamed that I was waltzing at Tchernakovka5 with Meyer, our old gardener. There was a ball at our house and I could see all the gentlemen of Nice.

J'ai reve que je valsais, a Tchernakovka, avec Meyer notre vieux jardinier. Il y avait bal chez nous et je voyais tous les messieurs de Nice.

My aunt writes that the Surprising One — though she does not call him that: by now everyone at our house, both in Nice and here, has given this poor boy a dreadful name; they call him britaya soroka, which means the Shaved Magpie,6 and for short they simply say soroka — my aunt writes, then, that Soroka was at the Opéra and spent the whole evening weeping — weeping in earnest. My aunt supposes his tears were caused by an expulsion from the Englishwoman's house.

Ma tante ecrit que le Surprenant, mais elle ne le nomme pas ainsi, a present tout le monde chez nous a Nice et ici donne un nom affreux a ce pauvre garcon, on le nomme britaya soroka ce qui veut dire Pie rasee et par abreviation on dit soroka simplement, ma tante ecrit donc que Soroka etait a l'Opera et pendant toute la soiree n'a fait que pleurer, pleurer pour de vrai . Ma tante suppose que ses larmes etaient causees par une expulsion de chez l'Anglaise.

My aunt is greatly amused by the letter to the Superior — she imagines the arrival of the two monks at the Tower, as do I. It must have been the most comical thing imaginable. When two monks were announced to him, he no doubt thought they were in disguise and ordered them to be detained; then he arrived himself, prepared to confound them — and instead found two genuine monks with arms folded across their chests and humble expressions.

Ma tante est tres amusee par la lettre au Superieur, elle se figure l'arrivee de deux moines a la Tour, moi aussi. Cela a du etre tout ce qu'il y a de plus drole. Quand on lui eut annonce deux moines, il a sans doute cru que c'etaient des deguises et a ordonne de les retenir puis est arrive lui-meme se preparant a confondre et au lieu de cela il a trouve deux vrais moines aux bras croises sur la poitrine et l'air humble.

What did he say to them? What did they reply?

Que leur a-t-il dit ? Que lui ont-il repondu ?

I can picture the whole scene.

Je me represente toute la scene.

We were again at Monseigneur de Falloux's, who was very agreeable, promised to do everything possible, and spoke of his poor, of the unhappy times for the clergy so shamefully despoiled7 — whereupon Maman told him she would do everything she could, and I added a half-lament about the misfortune that had lately struck the Church — secretly delighted that someone had taken back a little of the fat from those lazy and lecherous monks8 — but Monseigneur was charmed by my remark.

Nous etions encore chez Monseigneur de Falloux qui a ete tres aimable, a promis de tout faire pour et a parle de ses pauvres, des temps malheureux pour le clerge si indignement depouille, sur cela maman lui dit qu'elle ferait tout ce qu'elle pourrait et j'ajouterai une demi-lamentation sur le malheur qui a frappe l'eglise dernierement; toute contente au fond de ce qu'on eut repris un peu de graisse a ses frocards paresseux et luxurieux, mais monseigneur a ete charme de ma remarque.

There is news from Russia — nothing good. I can only pray to God and fear. I complain now — but what would it be if we were to lose our fortune! Dreadful! I pray to God and tremble. God will not abandon me.

Il y a des nouvelles de Russie, rien de bon. Je ne puis que prier Dieu et craindre. Je me plains a present, que serait-ce donc si nous perdions notre fortune ! Horreur ! Je prie Dieu et tremble. Dieu ne m'abandonnera pas.

I am bored in Rome — I wish I could wish to be in Nice. I would rather suffer there than anywhere else.

Je m'ennuie a Rome, je voudrais pouvoir vouloir etre a Nice. J'aime mieux souffrir la qu'ailleurs.

Nice is my dear country.

Nice, c'est mon cher pays.

I see Rome, Paris, London, kings, courts — but there is nothing as charming as my dear city.

Je vois Rome, Paris, Londres, les rois, les cours, mais il n'y a rien de gentil comme ma chere ville.

If I am ever rich and titled and happy, I shall not forget it — I shall spend several months there each year. Well, several months I could not, for everywhere except London the winter is the main season. But I would come to Nice every year, whether in winter or summer. And from time to time I shall spend an entire winter there.

Si jamais je suis riche et titree et heureuse je ne l'oublierai pas et j'y passerai plusieurs mois dans l'annee, non, plusieurs mois je ne pourrai pas, car partout excepte a Londres l'hiver est la saison principale. Mais je viendrais chaque annee a Nice, peu importe en hiver ou en ete. Et de temps en temps j'y passerai un hiver entier.

I believe what makes me love Nice so greatly is the Castle.9 Perhaps.

Je crois que ce qui me fait tant aimer Nice, c'est le chateau. Peut-etre.

I am jealous to the point of biting and strangling — jealous of the present and above all of the past, because there is no longer any way to change it.

Je suis jalouse a mordre et a etrangler, jalouse du present et surtout du passe parce qu'il n'y a plus moyen de le changer.

If I were a man, at the age of ten I would choose a dozen little girls of five or six and lock them away on a mountain in a fortress with women to attend to their education; in ten years I would be twenty and these girls fifteen and sixteen — then I would choose from among them. It is strange to worry so about the past — well, I worry about it more than about the present; one can prevent the present, but the past? To take a woman who has been in love, who has looked at men, who has spoken to them!

Si j'etais homme, a l'age de dix ans je choisirais une dizaine de petites filles de cinq a six ans et je les enfermerais sur une montagne dans une forteresse avec des femmes qui soigneraient leur education, dans dix ans j'aurais vingt ans et ces filles quinze et seize ans, alors je choisirais parmi elles. C'est etrange de se soucier tant du passe, eh bien moi je m'en soucie plus que du present; on peut empecher le present, mais le passe ? Prendre une femme qui a ete amoureuse, qui a regarde des hommes, qui leur a parle !

I am a woman and must choose from among the debauchees of the world — which enrages me. For all these gentlemen... God — if I loved seriously I would not want the beloved man on account of his past; it would always seem to me that he remembers, that he compares me, that he thinks of the past, of those he has loved. And I should be as jealous of a memory, of a single thought, as of everything...

Je suis femme et il me faut choisir parmi les devergondes du monde, ce qui me met en fureur. Car tous ces messieurs... Dieu si j'aimais serieusement je ne voudrais pas de l'homme aime a cause du passe, il me semblerait toujours qu'il se souvient, qu'il me compare, qu'il pense au passe, a celles qu'il a aimees. Et je serais aussi jalouse d'un souvenir, d'une seule pensee que de tout...

Ah! I do not know how to write well — but I know that I am jealous, jealous, jealous!

Ah ! je ne sais pas bien ecrire mais je sais que je suis jalouse, jalouse, jalouse !

And of whom, for heaven's sake! Of a wretched Nice man, a miserable debauchee who does not give a damn about me!

Et de qui bon Dieu ! D'un vilain Nicois, d'un miserable debauche qui ne se fiche pas mal de moi !

Ah! I am degenerating.

Ah ! je degenere.

Notes

"Spat on us" — Marie's recurring image for social rejection and cold-shouldering; those who have treated the family with contempt during the legal troubles. ↩
The Galleria Spada: a palazzo in Rome housing a small but celebrated art collection, famous chiefly for Borromini's forced-perspective colonnade. ↩
"Croûtes" — literally "crusts," the contemptuous French term for bad paintings; Marie's artistic judgement is characteristically severe. ↩
San Giovanni in Laterano (Saint John Lateran): the cathedral of Rome, the Pope's episcopal seat, the oldest and highest-ranking of the four major basilicas of Rome. ↩
Tchernakovka: the Bashkirtseff family estate in Ukraine; a childhood home that appears frequently in Marie's nostalgic and dream sequences. ↩
Britaya soroka (Russian): "the shaved magpie" — Audiffret's Russian nickname, alluding to his clean-shaven face and chattering sociability. Already established in TranslationMemory as "the Shaved Magpie" / "la Pie rasée." ↩
The clergy "so shamefully despoiled" — a reference to the Italian Risorgimento: in 1870, the new Italian state had seized the Papal States, leaving the Pope as the "prisoner of the Vatican." Falloux would naturally lament this. ↩
"Frocards" — a contemptuous term for monks (from froc, the monk's habit); Marie's private anticlerical opinion, carefully concealed from the Monseigneur. ↩
"The Castle" (le château): the hill above Nice known as the Colline du Château — but here almost certainly a coded reference to the home or view associated with Audiffret, whom Marie watches obsessively from her window. ↩