Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Sunday, 16 January 1876

Dimanche, 16 janvier 1876

Today, at a quarter past ten, the two monks of Cimiez will present themselves at the Tower. I should like to see the Surprising One's face.

Aujourd'hui, a dix heures un quart, les deux moines de Cimiez se presenteront a la tour. Je voudrais voir la mine du Surprenant.

We were late for church and went to Saint Peter's. The first monument I would not wish to alter in any respect — the only one I do not criticise, for if I had a church to build I could not do better myself.

Nous etions en retard pour l'eglise et sommes allees a Saint-Pierre. Le premier monument auquel je ne voudrais rien changer, le seul que je ne critique pas car si j'avais a faire faire une eglise je ne ferais pas mieux moi-meme.

I feel I shall write badly, for I have just been reading my old diary. Maman had asked me to read her the Girofla period — I skipped a great many things as I went; what seems quite simple written down appears not simple when read aloud. My face went hot, my fingers cold, and I ended by declaring I could not continue.

Je sens que j'ecrirai mal car je viens de lire mon vieux journal, maman m'avait priee de lui lire le temps de Girofla, je laissais en passant un tas de choses, ce qui est tout simple ecrit parait *pas simple* lu a haute voix. J'ai eu chaud a la figure, froid aux doigts et finis par declarer que je ne pouvais pas continuer.

— She will read it to us in two years, says Maman.

— Elle nous le lira dans deux ans, dit maman.

[One line cancelled: After Saint Peter's we, I and Maman, go] At Saint Peter's there were two imbecile Americans following me and saying to each other "she is very beautiful".1 I pretended not to understand.

[Une ligne cancellee: Apres Saint-Pierre nous et moi et maman allons] A Saint-Pierre il y avait deux imbeciles Americains qui me suivaient en se disant "she is very beautiful Je fis mine de ne rien comprendre.

I had intended to go only to the Russian church and had dressed in white — which made me as conspicuous as a white wolf.2

Je ne pensais aller qu'a l'eglise russe et je m'etais habillee en blanc, ce qui m'a fait regarder comme un loup blanc.

After Saint Peter's, Maman calls on Baron Ixhull, the minister's cousin — she made his acquaintance and his wife's at the minister's wife's, or ambassadress's. I go with Maman. These people are very unpretentious and very amiable — the Baron especially pleased me. They live at Via Condotti 81. They say that being presented at court is not very difficult, and that they will speak about it to the ambassadress, as it is done through her and the Marquise de Monterreno, lady-in-waiting to Princess Margherita.

Apres Saint-Pierre maman va chez le baron Ixhull, le cousin du ministre, elle a fait sa connaissance et celle de sa femme chez la femme du ministre ou ambassadrice. Je vais avec maman. Ces personnes sont tres simples et tres aimables, le baron surtout m'a plu. Ils demeurent via Condotti 81. Ils disent que pour etre presente a la cour il n'y a pas de grandes difficultes et qu'ils vont en parler a l'ambassadrice, car ca se fait par elle et la marquise de Monterreno, dame d'honneur de la princesse Marguerite.

God — if I could be presented! Formerly the Princess received in private audience, but now many people are presented together — it forms a kind of court.

Dieu si je pouvais etre presentee ! Avant, la princesse recevait en audience particuliere mais a present on presente beaucoup de monde ensemble, on fait une espece de cour.

It makes no difference to me — [Words cancelled: Ah! If I could be presented] I desire enormously to be presented, to go to a court ball. Regis venit lux.3 I adore kings — and queens too. But see what a creature I am!

Ca m'est egal, [Mots cancelles: Ah ! si je pouvais etre presentee] je desire enormement etre presentee, aller a un bal de la cour. Regis venit lux. J'adore les rois, et les reines aussi. Mais voyez quelle creature je suis !

I prefer kings because a woman can reign above them. I feel a kind of vexation when I see queens.

J'aime mieux les rois parce qu'une femme peut regner au dessus d'eux. Je sens une espece de depit quand je vois des reines.

At the Pincio a crowd such as is seen in Nice only on race day — if that.

Au Pincio une foule de monde comme on n'en voit a Nice que le jour des courses, et pas meme.

The Corso and the Piazza Colonna were flooded with carriages and people on the return from the Pincio.

Le Corso, la piazza Colonna etaient inondes de voitures et de peuple au retour du Pincio.

At the Pincio the carriages moved at a walking pace between two dense rows of men. I was looked at a great deal; I scarcely looked in return — and besides it is rather difficult to distinguish the good from the bad among these Italians: they are all common, they all have black moustaches and fine eyes, coarse features, a sallow complexion.

Au Pincio les voitures passaient au pas entre deux rangees epaisses d'hommes. On me regardait beaucoup, je ne regardais presque pas et d'ailleurs il est assez difficile de distinguer le bien du mal parmi ces Italiens, ils sont tous communs, ils ont tous des moustaches noires et de beaux yeux, de gros traits, un teint mat.

The man I had taken for the Devil4 is not the Devil! He is merely an Italian who resembles him to a remarkable degree.

L'homme que j'avais pris pour le Diable, n'est pas le Diable ! Ce n'est qu'un Italien qui lui ressemble a s'y meprendre.

The true Devil, Sir Frederic Johnstone, is in Nice at present. The one here greatly resembles him — but the other is much finer; the other is altogether excellent; I was in love with the other. This one recalled the other to me and my imbecile of a heart began to beat. For he is truly beautiful — the beautiful, the admirable Frederic. There is who I should need. Come now — let us think no more of it.

Le Vrai Diable, sir Frederic Johnstone est a Nice a present. Celui d'ici lui ressemble beaucoup mais l'autre est beaucoup mieux, l'autre est tout a fait bien,j'etais amoureuse de l'autre; celui-ci m'a rappele l'autre et mon imbecile de coeur s'est mis a battre. C'est qu'il est vraiment beau, le beau, l'admirable Frederic. Voila qui il me faudrait. Allons, n'y pensons plus.

We dine at the table d'hôte because the son of the Grand Duke of Baden dines there. There is a fairly pleasant company, and the Duke is a reasonably pleasant young man — for a duke.

Nous dinons a la table d'hote parce que le fils du grand-duc de Bade y dine. Il y a un assez joli monde et le duc est un assez gentil garcon pour un duc.

I have long had the idea of going next summer to Spa.5 This idea was given me by Foster, who asks me by letter to persuade Maman to go there, and that "we would be quite a nice little party."6

J'ai depuis longtemps l'idee d'aller l'ete prochain a Spa. Cette idee m'a ete donnee par Foster qui me prie par lettres de persuader maman d'aller la et que "we would be quite a nice little party

But Spa has become the resort of the Nice set — Prodgers, Sabatier, etc. There is both the charm and the inconvenience of the thing. Let us try it all the same — the Fosters know Prodgers; a rapprochement might be achieved. Let us try — and above all let us not martyr ourselves in advance.

Mais Spa est devenu le sejour des gens de Nice, de Prod-gers, Sabatier etc. Voila le charme et le desagrement de la chose. Essayons tout de meme, les Foster connaissent Prod-gers, il pourrait se faire un rapprochement. Essayons et surtout ne nous martyrisons pas d'avance.

This idea of going to Spa occupies me enormously — I have spoken of it to Maman. I would go to Spa after having been in Russia, and from Russia I shall bring back a beautiful white horse. [Word blacked out: Since] All ancient conquerors and all the victors of the Middle Ages had white horses.

Cet idee d'aller a Spa m'occupe enormement, j'en ai parle a maman. J'irais a Spa apres avoir ete en Russie, j'en ramenerai un beau cheval blanc. [Mot noirci: Depuis] Tous les triomphateurs anciens et tous les vainqueurs du moyen age avaient des chevaux blancs.

When I think of it, I find Spa adorable. These walks, these picnics,7 these rides, these excursions into the grottos — it is picturesque, charming, and convenient.

Quand j'y pense, je trouve Spa une adoration. Ces promenades, ces pique-niques, ces cavalcades, ces excursions dans les grottes, c'est pittoresque, charmant et *commode .*

One can amuse oneself there like mad. The other summer, how we enjoyed ourselves — and we did nothing to bring it about, sought no one's company, and I was not yet fifteen and was more foolish than now.

On peut s'y amuser comme des fous. Quand, l'autre ete, nous nous sommes amuses et pourtant nous ne faisions rien pour cela, nous ne recherchions personne, et je n'avais pas quinze ans, et j'etais plus bete qu'a present.

The idea of going to Spa transports me — as I fall asleep I shall compose some future story set at Spa.

L'idee d'aller a Spa me transporte, en m'endormant je vais composer quelque histoire future a Spa.

But my anxiety is great. What is happening at Nice? What is the Surprising One doing? Let him not do anything foolish!

Mais mon inquietude est grande. Que se passe-t-il a Nice ? Que fait le Surprenant ? Pourvu qu'il ne fasse pas de betises !

God, how anxious I am — so anxious that I can barely write; I hurry, I know not why.

Dieu que je suis inquiete, je le suis tellement que je puis a peine ecrire, je me hate je ne sais pourquoi.

Notes

"She is very beautiful" — in English in the original. ↩
"Comme un loup blanc" — a French idiom for being extremely conspicuous: as visible and rare as a white wolf. ↩
==Regis venit lux== (Latin): "The light of the king comes" — a quasi-religious invocation of royal presence. ↩
"Le Diable" (the Devil) — Marie's nickname for Sir Frederic Johnstone, a dashing English acquaintance whom she had admired earlier. ↩
Spa: the Belgian resort town, fashionable among European aristocracy; its name gave rise to the English word "spa." ↩
"We would be quite a nice little party" — in English in the original. ↩
Pique-niques: the word was borrowed from English into French in the 18th century; LAN notes its English origin here. ↩