Sunday, 26 September 1875

Towards three o'clock I had already cooled off — but then I thought it was stupid to be feeble and abandon these plans, however little important they might be. So I set about my dressing: yellow boots three times the size of my feet, which Léonie has stuffed with all manner of things. Trousers of heavy blue canvas, cut in the fashion of the local peasants; a new shirt but of a suspicious whiteness; red handkerchief around the neck; a dark grey knitted overcoat, light and looking worn; a great white beard and great moustaches which lift my nose monstrously; grey wig; blue spectacles — the whole surmounted by a black felt hat and completed by a red handkerchief hanging from the pocket, a walking stick with a pointed tip, and a sort of cushion on my back to fill in the immense hollow between my behind and my spine.
A cab awaits me at the door; I get in, a little trembling, ordering the driver to go to the Promenade.
All the neighbours of the rue de France, forewarned by the indiscreet Léonie, laugh and exclaim.
Without being recognised I attract general attention — nothing more original than this small hairy face, these moustaches in the air, this costume half rustic, half urban.
— Stop at number 7, I said to the driver, who knew me.
And all bent over and at a slow pace I cross the courtyard — but the staircase is mounted in two seconds, the trousers permitting me to take three steps at a time.
— Is Madame at home? I asked the servant who came to open.
— Yes, Monsieur, he said.
— Announce Monsieur Tavernier, of Geneva — and I could not help laughing.
The servant looked me straight in the face:
— Why — it's Mademoiselle.
— Madame, I hear him say — Madame, there is a gentleman — no, a young lady.
— Madame! cries Mélanie, who thought me a creditor — there is some imbecile from Geneva in there; he walked in with his hat on. Good God! And that servant who let such a man into the drawing room.
As for me, thinking myself discovered, I advance boldly — I try to open the inner door but the bolt is drawn — whereupon I run out of the drawing room, and in leaps so incompatible with my decrepit appearance I dash into the corridor, hat still on — and for good reason, as the wig did not cover enough of my forehead, which was all stained — Mélanie flees screaming, Olga seeing this strange old man pursuing her takes refuge with her mother, who was holding her hat; she drops it, all trembling; and I, unable to bear it, laugh like a madwoman sweeping everything from my path.
One will never be able to form any idea of those stupefied faces.
— But it is I, I, I!
— Good God, cries Olga.
— Is it possible, says Nina, seized with fright and not yet reassured — I thought it was a creditor from Geneva coming to make a scandal.
— Ah! Marie, Marie, cries Marie — but it is impossible. I do not even recognise you!
And everyone, still trembling, bursts out laughing; Louba, the little one adopted by Nina, looks at everyone; and Mélanie writhes in a corner.
The farce is complete; I run about the room, enchanted and laughing louder than anyone.
— Where is Yourkoff?
— At the Café de la Victoire.
— Send for him — a gentleman wishes to see him.
The shutters are half-closed while we await Paris; I go onto the balcony with Olga, we sit down and I pretend to converse. Marie comes; I offer her my chair, lifting my hat — and from the Promenade people look at this peculiar creature on Madame Sapogenikoff's balcony. Mélanie spots the carriage bringing Yourkoff; everyone hides; I install myself on the sofa and read a newspaper; and Nina stops him in the antechamber to tell him in a frightened voice that a man has forced his way into the drawing room, has settled in with his hat on and with an impertinent air, and will not leave.
Yourkoff, worked up and braced for a confrontation, opens the door, with a contained and angry manner:
— Good day, Monsieur, he says.
— Good day, I say, rising.
He looked at me, examined me, and was preparing himself for a solemn confrontation, as he said afterwards. He was already opening his mouth — but I imagined he recognised me, and seized him by the chest bursting into laughter; he stepped back [Crossed out: stupefied] with a dazed expression and was about to seize me by the collar when I revealed myself.
[Crossed out: Even after that] For several seconds he remained entirely stunned, then began to laugh — the drawing room fills up and the cries are endless. He had not even suspected me — and what a fool I am, why did I laugh!
He says he understood nothing — he took me first for a creditor, then for a petitioner, and finally for a madman he was preparing to throw out.
— Come now — come with me in my cab, I said, let us go into town. At first he did not want to:
— But it is compromising — I shall be ashamed to be seen with such a creature!
— That matters nothing; I shall sit on the very edge of the cab, I shall have a humble look, very humble — come!
We go out; the cab moves off and I bow to the ladies on the balcony who are helpless with laughter.
In this fashion we pass before the concert, before all the carriages, before the great Café de la Victoire — and return home by way of the Promenade.
Paris assures me that I have a remarkable type when so arranged — and indeed I produce quite an effect on the Sunday strollers.
We meet my aunt, whom I bow to, and who laughs like a madwoman.
I run upstairs four steps at a time; in five minutes I am in white, my hair done and properly arranged, and in ten minutes am with my aunt at the concert.
It is grey and cool; we stay beside the Sapogenikoffs.
D'Audiffret passes and repasses and at last comes up to Nina's carriage — Galula is with him. Vile poser! — then he comes to my carriage window.
I am free and easy and still elated from my outing with Pâris; the imbecile no longer overawes me — he talks nonsense, begs me to go to Paris with him:
— Come, just the two of us — we'll stay at the Hôtel Splendide, we'll go see Le Procès Veauradieux
— Around the world, I say laughing.
— Exactly.
What a fool!
We walk on foot with Pâris, and the Niceois remains beside Nina to excite my jealousy. Triple brute. I am not as stupid as you think.
Fiouloulou is elevated to the rank of attendant-confidant.
This evening we are going to Nina's. There they are, delighted — they will have Girofla.
We find him already there when we arrive with my aunt.
Pâris has brought back from Dieppe a very pretty game — the races — and we play it first; then we disperse and do as we like. Nina fades into the background; Pâris comes forward. Girofla pulls faces; Fiouloulou seconds and imitates him. Olga is in seventh heaven — Girofla has taken a coin from her and says he will keep it inside his watch. Very witty!
Fiouloulou dares to court me; I let him. I pay no attention at all to the other, and, towards the middle of the evening, he comes back to me. I do as he has done with me — I do not listen to what he says and concern myself with everything except him.
At tea, Pâris prepares a sufficiently strong drink and fills his guests and himself with it — himself a little too much, so that he begins talking nonsense. We return to the drawing room and talk of the English ladies affair. The man pretends not to believe it. I recount everything.
— And Monsieur Galula — do you remember, one day an old woman came to see you in your office on the place Garibaldi? That was me!
— No?!!
— But yes — and ask Monsieur Saëtone whether he remembers a beggar-woman who followed him all the way from the place Masséna to the Promenade. Me again!
In this way the lordly assumptions of the châtelain were diminished — and besides, I told the whole thing so simply that it was a pleasure.
Much nonsense is said, and Girofla — I no longer remember on what occasion — said:
— You know, the famous wardrobe mirror? And everyone laughed.
Then I say: "Ah! Good Lord, but I was a pretty fellow." And he repeats it with complete naïvety. And everyone laughs again — for some days now I have been singing nothing but my little song, and what I sing spreads to everyone, and they sing what I sing.
Then comes the eternal business of the photographs. The rogue steals mine, carries off the album; we give chase; he throws himself into some dark room or other, and we lock him in.
An evening au naturel! One behaves there as at home — or rather, one behaves like children. When he comes out of his dark room with the photograph in his pocket, we throw ourselves on him like a pack of hounds on a stag — but there is no way to unbutton him, and otherwise impossible to retrieve my photograph.
My aunt gets angry; I beg him to return it — it is signed — finally, having given my word to return it to him, I take it to scratch out the inscription at least. This wretch would be capable of saying all manner of things — and my aunt tells him so. She calls him an imbecile four times this evening, which delights him greatly…
What a monster, stealing my portrait. What a wretched creature — no, seriously, I did not want him to have it. At table he shot me a sidelong glance — I say no more! — but I pay no attention to it. This Niceois speaks to me so strangely — just as if we had an understanding, as if we were two beings foreign to those around us, and in agreement together.
I took a pile of music and sat on the floor looking for a piece. He sits beside me.
— What are you looking for? Let me help.
— I am looking for the appassionata by Mendelssohn.
— Ah! ha! You play an appassionata.
— Yes.
And we continue searching.
— Is this it? It is an adagio. No? Is it not? We need our appassionata.
— I do not like adagios.
I have named him "the fiery châtelain" and "the abracadabrant young man" to general satisfaction — as for him and his Figaro, they do not know what it means.
Towards the end everyone quite lets themselves go — we amuse ourselves by throwing thread at each other's heads; Girofla had a real halo.
When it was time to leave I sat in an armchair, and Fiouloulou took his leave of me by kneeling — his master did the same.
— No — I will not give you my hand, I said.
— Oh! come now!
I wrap my hand in a handkerchief and hold it out to him.
He tears away the handkerchief and clasps my hand, enveloping it completely in his — I do not know if I make myself clear.
And I surrender it nonchalantly. We go out together.
— Come now — do not be the fiery châtelain; return my portrait…
— No, that I will not. If you knew where I shall put it!..
— In the famous wardrobe mirror?
— Well! I know, I do…
Pâris accompanies us to the carriage. He is tipsy, poor man.
— Ah! Nicolas Ferovitch I say to him — take my portrait from him.
Maria Constantinovna. But why — it is dear to him, he answers with a tender air — tender on account of what he has drunk.
When we are already in the carriage Girofla extends his hand to me — but I pretend not to see, and we depart.
Oh! but having said:
— I have loved this man.
— What an idea. I meant not a word of it!
— How strangely he speaks to me, I said as I came in.
— What — what did he say? asked my aunt eagerly — she is more interested in the affair than I am.
— Nothing.
— But he said nothing to you? she said, with a provoking and negative emphasis on the nothing.
— Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
She would very much like to know everything he says to me — let her be at ease: when there is something, I shall be the first to tell everything.
Some news!
Lubimoff, the young widower, has proposed to Dina. Maman and Dina are in Switzerland with the Anitchkoffs. It is Madame Anitchkoff who is pushing the matter — but Dina will not have it.

Notes

Nicolas Ferovitch / Maria Constantinovna / il lui est cher: In Russian in the original.
"Girofla" is Marie's nickname for Emile d'Audiffret, taken from the popular operetta Girofle-Girofla by Charles Lecocq (1874), about twin sisters. By extension, Marie's friend Olga Sapogenikoff becomes "Girofle" — the other twin. The operetta ran for 220 performances in Paris and was one of the decade's biggest musical hits.