Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Sunday, 6 December 1874

That woman Anna — or rather Madame la Femelle, "a suitable name for her" as Maman called her — has complained to the law, saying that Monsieur Babanine abducted her from Vienna with a promise of marriage; that she was a respectable woman; and that proof of this is the fact that she was very warmly received by the family and was intimate with his sisters and his father. Viper!
That is where these cowardly indulgences and this contempt for all propriety lead! And the lack of society is the cause. For what man living among his equals would conceive the idea of permitting himself such outrages? What coward would behave as grandfather has behaved? And this because for twenty-five years he has forgotten everything, having withdrawn from the world and lived among wild beasts! Horror! Misery! It is more than revolting. And my young heart, pure of cowardice, deception, and hardness, cannot bear to witness such degradation!
I was at church with Dina (new white dress). I walked in the grey dress — the immortal one — and there was a great crowd. But only two men, fresh-faced and capable of pleasing: Count A. d'Arnim and Audiffret. The latter passed us a hundred times, but I notice that of late he no longer looks at me — have I become so ugly?
I have a singular character — I am vexed because when I deign to notice a man, I expect to see that man prostrate before me; not finding him in this humble posture, I am astonished. With ideas like these one had better be born beautiful: pulchritudo homni potens est.
At the opera — Il Trovatore. Eleonora is nauseating, yet old Audiffret admires her, and Maman says that backstage he kissed her neck as she was going off in the bride scene. (Pink Laferrière dress — very good.) [Crossed out: Our carriage]
Galula came to our box — he was particularly handsome this evening. One would not believe how poorly he comes off in the street.
Our carriage was slow in coming, and Monsieur de Barrême took us to the foyer, where he introduced us to his nephew, the Comte de ***, whose name I forget. As I went out, passing between the rows of curious onlookers, I heard a common man say to another, nudging him: Eccola, and the other murmured: Oh che bella angiolina! — but in a tone so sincere and so flattering that I shall long remember it. That compliment, that admirer in the crowd, touched me.

Notes

In English in the original. ↩
In Latin in the original — Marie's erroneous Latin for "beauty is powerful over all men" (correct form would be pulchritudo omnium potens est). ↩
Il Trovatore — opera by Giuseppe Verdi (1853). ↩
In Italian in the original — "There she is!" ↩
In Italian in the original — "Oh, what a beautiful little angel!" ↩