Tuesday, 13 October 1874

Mardi, 13 octobre 1874

I have appointed two tutors and the gate has been ordered. Thank God.

I saw, alas, that my presence has not advanced the works as I expected. It is true that the masons and painters have invaded my pavilion and dislodged me from it, that the gate is ordered, that Biasini in two days will have brought the plan and the cost of the new reception rooms — but what is all that! I should like the garden to be already full of beautiful broad-leaved plants on green velvet lawns, everything ready at last, in a single day, or at least to see a multitude of workers labouring at it all, and to be able to see the progress of these works.

My room is being done in blue satin. I am afraid it may be too fine; all our bedrooms are so simple beside mine. Mme Howard will want to devour me and will not fail to speak ill of me, with a tone of kindness, gentleness, and condolence.

True! At thirteen already they were talking about me here, and I had enemies at thirteen!

From my arrival in Nice I was noticed and spoken of¹, in several different ways. Patton — that good, that womanish sort of man Patton — that busybody, that peddler of news, that chatterbox — concerned himself with me.

Poor Patton — by his lack of character he harms himself, but he harms others too.

Pauvre Patton, par son manque de caractère il se fait du tort, mais il en fait aussi aux autres.

If Patton were not consul, [Crossed out: when we] no one would know anything of the lawsuit; there are so many people who have money disputes in the family.

Si Patton n'était pas consul, [Rayé: quand nous] personne ne saurait rien du procès, il y a tant de gens qui ont des procès d'argent en famille.

But this good Monsieur de Patton, ton ton, ton taine ton ton.

Mais ce bon M. de Patton, ton ton, ton taine ton ton.

Peddler of news,

Colporteur de nouvelles

Ugly or fair,

Laides ou belles,

He sings them in every key,

Il les chante sur tous les tons

This good Monsieur de Patton,

Ce bon M. de Patton

Ton ton ton taine ton ton.

He made of this entirely private lawsuit a public affair by publicising it in every way. But I bear him no grudge, poor rag of a man.

Il fit de ce procès tout particulier une affaire publique en l'affichant de toutes les manières. Mais je ne lui en veux pas, pauvre chiffon d'homme.

In short, I am flattered to have been a personage since the age of thirteen. Since I begin differently from others, I ought to become something particular — I so desire it.

Enfin je suis flattée d'être un personnage depuis treize ans. Puisque je commence autrement que les autres je devrais devenir quelque chose de particulier, j'en ai tant envie.

Nothing disgusts me like rotting in mediocrity. There is material in me; I should like to quote here [Crossed out: something] some blank verse that Anna wrote about me — the verses are very exaggerated and very flattering. One must not think I accept them as they are; I have wit enough to understand the truth. But I have a good opinion of myself — and who does not?

Rien ne me répugne comme de pourrir dans la banalité. Il y a de l'étoffe dans moi, je voudrais citer ici [Rayé: quelque chose] des vers blancs qu'Anna a écrit sur moi, ces vers sont très exagérés et très flatteurs. Il ne faut pas croire que je les accepte, comme ils sont, j'ai assez d'esprit pour comprendre la vérité, mais je suis de bonne opinion de moi-même, et qui ne l'est pas ?

He who does not esteem himself cannot esteem others.

Celui qui ne s'estime pas, ne peut estimer les autres.

We were at the music; no one yet, except little Audiffret, who was walking as always before the carriages, looking or being looked at.

Nous étions à la musique, personne encore, excepté le petit Audifffret qui se promenait comme toujours devant les voitures et regardait ou se faisait voir.

One cannot deny he is a handsome fellow, and I am the first to grant him the title. He is very fresh-faced; however, his back is wretched — he is already stooped, though he masks it tolerably with loose-fitting jackets.

On ne peut lui refuser d'être joli garçon et la première je lui accorde ce titre. Il est très frais, cependant son dos est misérable, il est déjà voûté, bien qu'il le masque passablement par des jaquettes sacs.

But it is rather to imitate Hamilton. This morning he had the audacity to dress in grey with yellow boots, and with a walk imitating the duke; he has his clothes made loose to appear broader, or else he has grown fat. He was crossing the Rue de France, and we had just come out, and I do not know why I blushed — for I find him a handsome fellow, but he does not attract me.

Mais c'est plutôt pour imiter Hamilton, ce matin il eut la hardiesse de s'habiller en gris et des bottes jaunes et ça avec une démarche imitant le duc, il se fait des habits larges pour paraître plus gros ou bien il a engraissé. Il traversait la rue de France et nous venions de sortir, et je ne sais pourquoi j'ai rougi car je le trouve joli garçon mais il ne me plaît pas.

This unfortunate imitation made me smile, and as soon as I was home I wrote without hesitation on a sheet that I threw into the white box:

Cette malheureuse imitaton me fit sourire et aussitôt rentrée j'écrivis sans hésitation sur une feuille que j'ai jetée dans la boîte blanche ceci:

D'Audiffret Emile

Throws hundreds and thousands

Jette des cents et des milles

At the fair Gioia

A la belle Gioia

Whom the duke sent away.

Que le duc renvoya

Succeeding Hamilton

Succédant à Hamilton

He bought himself yellow boots,

Il s'est acheté des bottes jaunes

A wide grey jacket,

Une large jaquette grise

And even a cherry cravat.

Et même une cravate cerise.

With great courage he imitates the duke's equipage, who, calling on his darling,

Avec beaucoup de courage Imite du duc l'équipage Qui allant chez sa bichette

Hung a hundred thousand bells there. But to be identical to this magnificent model,

Y pendait cent mille clochettes Mais pour être identique A ce modèle magnifique

Emile lacks one thing:

A Emile il manque quelque chose

A strong dose of cognac.

De cognac une forte dose

D'Audiffret Emile

Throws hundreds and thousands

Jette des cents et des mille

At the fair Gioia

A la belle Gioia

Whom the duke sent away.

Que le duc renvoya.

After that I had the fatal idea of showing this foolishness to Dina, who believes she has one of my secrets.

Après cela j'eus la fatale idée de montrer cette bêtise à Dina qui croit avoir un de mes secrets.

It is because the author of even the most wretched verses cannot keep them to himself and wants to read them to everyone he meets.

C'est que l'auteur des vers les plus misérables ne peut les garder pour lui et veut les lire à tous ceux qu'il rencontre.

Notes

In English in the original. ↩

Previous entry Notebook overview Next entry