Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Monday, 13 July 1874

When I finished writing yesterday, it was: no longer night, not yet day.
Basilevitch comes at the moment when we are unpacking and trying on our dresses from Laferriere and those sent from Nice. She needs someone to walk with de Tanlay. As it is daytime, I go (white and silver dress, ravishing, not bad).
We go into a confectioner's shop. Basilevitch buys her share for tomorrow's picnic, for tomorrow we go to Barizart for dinner. Our family, the marquis and his wife, Koukourikan, Gericke, de Tanlay, Winslow and Ladd, Basilevitch, Row.
De Tanlay treats us to grapes. He is very much in love with Basilevitch, but we are preparing ourselves for a fine comedy -- for when he has left and Basilevitch will want to reclaim Gericke, who has begun his courtship of Row.
We dine at the Hotel de Flandre beside M. and Mme Basilevitch and de Tanlay. Row comes to ask us for details about today's outing. Today at six, after dinner, we are to ride the circuit of the four fountains -- myself, Dina, Eristoff, Gericke, the Polish count, Winslow, and Row; Basilevitch and de Tanlay; and Maman with Papa Rigolo, to match Basilevitch, who had been so much entreated.
At half past six, the Pouhon square presented an aspect of extraordinary animation; three carriages and seven saddle horses are not a sight one sees every day here. My riding habit squeezes my chest terribly; I let my hair float under my black velvet cap and go down.
Everyone ready, we set off at a gallop. Such was the clatter on the pavement that my heart leapt with joy.
Maman is vexed to see the Pole courting Basilevitch; she cannot or will not understand that it is deliberate, and that he is in love with me. I shall give proof a little further on.
Having climbed the mountain, I realized I was suffocating. I cannot bear a bodice squeezing my throat, especially when it presses everything downward -- it is dreadful. At Le Tonnelet I fall behind with Eristoff and the count. Another climb, after which I can no longer breathe; then M. Papari etc. advised me to unbutton, which I did while he held the bridle. But it helps not at all; I am still suffocating. The count leads my horse and I can barely keep my seat in the saddle. The princess, annoyed at seeing her escort beside me, gallops off. I am left alone with the little one. I do not smile; I did not look at him; I said only what was necessary for the horse, and thus we walked at a walk all the way to La Geronstere, where I found everyone seated around a table. My two Americans came to meet me and sat at my sides. They are dreadful, but I flirted the whole time with these two ugly fellows. I no longer remember on what pretext Gericke fell to his knees before me:
-- O queen of my loves...
General laughter. He is easy and amusing. But I thought that returning as I had come would be dreadful, so I went into a room and arranged myself so as to be perfectly comfortable. Gericke helps me remount, puts on my gloves, arranges my riding habit -- then, still adjusting, takes my foot in his hand and tells me in every possible tone that it is pretty. The count rushes over, as he always does when the baron is near me; he thinks he is courting me and is agitated.
But Bebe is not one of those who court me; he courts everyone. I picture him as the sugar-cutting machine: he goes on and on without stopping. He was speaking to me, and if by enchantment I were changed into the Polish girl, he would speak in the same tone; if, instead of the Polish girl, it were Dina, he would continue just the same, etc. etc. "Has anyone ever seen such a foot? But it is marvellous!" (In truth, my foot under the trouser-leg looked like a child's.) And he kissed it so well that through the leather I felt that kiss. The poor little Pole turned away his eyes but did not leave.
-- Why did you not put on your boots, Mademoiselle?
-- I prefer these ankle boots; boots make my foot look larger.
-- No, it is not possible -- a foot like yours? Come now! But what a foot! And he kissed it three more times. I let him do it, smiling, since he did it without a thought, and it gave me great pleasure. It is a pity I am not married; I would have this fellow court me; I would get to the bottom of him.
He has a good nature, but a child would give him better manners; his are too free and too childlike.
At this moment de Tanlay arrives and buttons my gloves. I set off with the baron, but soon Dina takes him from me. The Pole comes:
-- Mademoiselle Marie, let us ride together.
-- No; go to those you are courting.
-- No?
-- No.
A few minutes later I call him; he leaves the princess and runs over. "Now I permit you to accompany me." And he accompanies me. But he disgusts me. What I do is to satisfy my mother's pride. At Barizart we see Gambart and... Malezieux! Both in white.
Monsieur Gambart, Monsieur Malezieux. Good evening!
We form a line, seven horses -- it is superb! And we make our entrance into town. The band is playing, the pavement rings, people rise to their feet, the street urchins shout! From there into the Morteau avenue.
I say to the count:
-- I wish you success in your examination.
-- I would rather you wished me something else.
-- What?
-- Must I say it?
-- One must always say. (I knew what he would say.)
-- Well then...
-- Well then? I was growing impatient -- to wait for the declaration of a cad, fie!
He looked me in the eyes, and his dirty eyes were shining.
-- You could look at me for an hour and I would not understand you, I said severely.
-- It is to please you.
-- Ah, well then, if it is true, go and kneel before that other tree and remain so until you see all the horses and all the carriages pass by. Which he did.
-- I do not believe you.
-- What do you mean?
-- You are Polish, etc. etc. etc. We return.
-- Oh! You cannot understand my inner self; look at the physical, and that is enough.
At my request, he drew my portrait -- one can guess how.
Before our house, yet another dreadful tumult. The Pole helped me dismount -- very badly. Then Gericke and the others arrive.
-- Who dirtied your hat?
-- It was this gentleman, who did not know how to help me. You did not come; you helped me so well to mount.
-- Didn't I?
Intrepid woman! I had the courage to go to the ball after three and a half hours on horseback, and to dance.
Everyone calls me Mademoiselle Douchenka -- it is a charming name. I forgot to say that on the way back I sang, and Ladd began to sing too. It was adorable!
I was exhausted, but Gericke would come and say: Douchenka, let's go. And I went, and consequently had to dance with the others too.

Notes

In English in the original. ↩