Wednesday, 25 July 1883

To the Beaux-Arts to see the Prix de Rome competition. We brought old Gavini with us and I had a pleasant time. He is completely stupid in artistic matters, considers himself a great connoisseur, speaks loudly, makes observations on drawing, colour, and composition, puts on airs, and believes the public is dazzled. When one is in a bad humour it is torture — but otherwise it is funny. M. Carriès brings us the two busts purchased at a hundred francs each. We keep him to dinner. He seems very ill at ease, while affecting a certain assurance — I suffered for him, imagining he must be deeply embarrassed. He is exceedingly poor, as Émile Bastien says — all of this pains me. And I am ashamed to have paid for two works of art the price of a hat. Instead of making me more cordial, these feelings made me outwardly lack warmth, and I am sorry for it. The poor young man took off his overcoat in the drawing room and laid it on a sofa. He does not talk much; Engelhardt and I played music, which produced a certain easing, but he must have not known how to hold himself. I see no wit in him — but with the talent he has, he must be intelligent; we just did not know how to put him at ease. Besides, he is a wild nature, and must be very proud and very unhappy. Perhaps he is merely a poseur... In any case, what is certain is that he is very poor and that I bought two busts from him for two hundred francs — and that shames me. I would like to send him another hundred francs, for I have a capital of a hundred and fifty, but I do not know how. I must tell you also that I never have money, and my gowns and hats are paid for slowly. In short, we have barely a hundred thousand francs' income and we spend it all; we are always short of money, and the household represents a fortune of at least three hundred thousand francs. In short, two hundred francs for something unnecessary is a great deal here — no matter... I am dissatisfied.