Sunday, 22 August 1875

[One line cancelled]
Since I have had my carriage, I am less bored — today I am even rather occupied.
(Archduke dress, black hat, navy blue jacket — ravishing.) I take Madame Aleinikoff's daughters — a Russian lady we met at the hotel — to Rauenthal, a height from which one admires the Rhine. The weather is rather gloomy and I was not in the mood to admire.
The Germans are detestable! They do not move aside — it is the carriage that must yield to the pedestrians. They are all in their Sunday best in every village I passed through. Fie! The dirty, brutal, odious nation!
While the Tcherkassys are with us (they are pleasant) a letter arrives from my aunt.
— Very well, I say, you will see there will be a "tell Marie" etc. — and indeed: "Tell Marie," she writes, "that not one of her Frenchmen has come to see me, not once, except Girofla, who is selling everything to pay his debts and those of his father. He wants to avoid public announcements and is selling and wants to pay out of his own pocket. He is selling for almost nothing, and I pity him so, poor fellow!" — He came to see my aunt. That is well.
Poor fellow — I too pity him with all my heart, sincerely.
It is fine to pay for one's ne'er-do-well of a father!
They did not come to see my aunt — that is ugly, I say. And Girofla came.
— The fact is, says the princess, they are not particularly interested — you have left, and they do not come. Whereas Girofla (she does not know who Girofla is but has heard him spoken of) — one can see he wants to be in good standing and comes; that proves he is seriously interested in you.
— He interests me greatly too, not as a matter of marriage, you understand, but just like that — because I have promised to torment him. Oh! how I would like to.
— Why torment him — it is so cruel, says the princess. Poor fellow!
— Yes, it is cruel, it is bad, says Maman.
— No, I say — for another man, yes; for this gentleman, no.
— Why for him, no? Because he tormented me — perhaps without meaning to.
I am truly strange — I say he tormented me because he did not prostrate himself before me.
I believe I could not torment him much — he pleases me, and without noticing it I shall always have some kindness for him.
I dine in my room, and Machenka, Dina and I talk of Girofla. Machenka says, in her so common manner:
The thing is, it means he went to Nadejda Stepanovna's, certainly he wants to gain something.
— Perhaps, I say, if his affairs are truly bad he wants to set them right, thinking I am rich.
That is a thought.
Poor fellow, if it is true that he is gradually ruining himself. It is a great pity. He is a pleasant gentleman.
The three of us pity him.
Machenka says he does not suit me as a husband and fears that, while joking, I shall fall in love with him and marry him.
At this I laugh. No — these people will never understand me. They do not know me. Me — marry for love and neglect all the rest! Come now! as d'Audiffret would say. He amuses me, he interests me — but nothing more.
Stiopa and Walitsky amuse themselves by making crude remarks to a Russian girl here — a nihilist. One makes acquaintance with so many people here!
Our neighbours are Prince Mechtchersky and his wife. Another prince comes to visit them and dines with them. The husband stares at me intensely, and I, taking him for the visitor and the visitor for the husband, posed for him and went out twice into the corridor to encounter him. Now that I know — it is over.
It has been cool these last few days — I am not too bored, but I am crying out urgently for suitors!
How I wish we could settle ourselves sooner and live in society! I am wasting my time here — and I admire my fine curled hair. We are invited to dine on Wednesday at the Batourines'.

Notes

Robe Archiduc: an "Archduke-style" dress — a fashionable cut of the 1870s named for its association with Austrian royalty.
In French law, a debtor facing insolvency could face publications légales — official public notices of bankruptcy proceedings. Audiffret is selling assets privately to avoid this public humiliation.
In Russian in the original (in the sense of formal address). Nadejda Stepanovna is the aunt's formal Russian name with patronymic.
Nihiliste: a member of the Russian nihilist movement — radical intellectuals who rejected traditional values and authority. The term was also applied to socially unconventional women who traveled independently.