Wednesday, 16 September 1874

Mercredi, 16 septembre 1874

I spent Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday until four o'clock at the Howards'; I wrote nothing while there and today here I am in Paris, so I shall take all these days together.

Sunday, 13 September 1874

Canterbury; I go to the cathedral with Lise and Helene.

What an admirable service! It lasted two hours and I was not bored; on the contrary, I read with great satisfaction and still greater conviction the prayers, so wise, so just, so suited to every circumstance of life, to every desire of the human heart, extending even to the most ordinary matters, those for which I often dare not pray. I felt the desire to have such a book to read each evening; I shall ask Helene or Lise, in Nice, what it is called and have it sent to me. I find in it so many beautiful and good things, and so natural that they seem not impossible.

I believe that with such a service, such books, in being Protestant in a word, one cannot be bad unless one is an imbecile or a criminal ordained by God to be so.

I eat with great appetite; afterwards we go rowing on a little river, a very little one. The children are much the same, except that they fancy themselves superior in everything and at the same time pester me about my dresses, my boots, everything. My style of dress does not please them, but they feel that despite its simplicity it is superior to theirs; they are jealous and contrive to say, to cry out on all sides, that I do as I please, always talking about my dresses. In the same way that I would exclaim upon seeing Palajka in satin and diamonds, they say to me:

"Oh, Marie, that dress, but how pretty, it really does please me."

It annoys me. And this with a patronizing and astonished air. Even if I wore grand outfits, where is the harm, the shame?

They do and have what they want, Helene above all — the other merely repeats — but as they will never know how to dress as I do, despite all their efforts to surpass me, they will always remain inferior and common and will envy me, annoy me. One day Helene saw my golden headband at my house; she begged her mother to order one for her, but wanting to outdo me she had it made much wider, and by this it became ugly and lost all its value and grace. They have silk dresses from bad dressmakers and think themselves better than me with my cloth dresses from Worth and Laferriere, and despite this they envy me, or seem to.

They speak Italian well, having engaged an Italian for the summer, and often wanted to embarrass me, but I know the language well enough not to be; the only thing I lack is to speak fluently.¹

Monday passed like Sunday; they showed us their factory. Helene, Jean, and I went riding (grey riding habit and hat); the road was good, the horse likewise, and I rode admirably well, despite the fears expressed by the entire family. In the evening we worked for a charity bazaar and at ten o'clock we went to bed. At last on Tuesday, at four o'clock, we set off. Everyone came to the station, and Mr Howard and Helene came as far as Dover.

Lundi se passa, comme dimanche, ils nous firent voir leur fabrique, Hélène, Jean et moi à cheval (amazone grise et chapeau) le chemin était bon, le cheval aussi et j'ai admirablement bien monté, malgré les craintes exprimées par toute la famille. Le soir on travaille pour un bazar et à dix heures on se couche. Enfin mardi, à quatre heures nous partons. Tout le monde vient à la gare, et M. Howard et Hélène viennent jusqu'à Douvres.

All in all, I spent two very pleasant days; they were very good and kind. The English countryside is a fine thing; they have a pretty garden, all sorts of games, and then I rode. Only I had swollen eyes and headaches while there. I really do not know what will become of me; I am in such a wretched state. They have a fine, comfortable house; nothing is lacking in the service or the food. They seemed so pleased to see us.

En somme, j'ai passé deux jours bien agréables, ils ont été très bien et aimables. La campagne anglaise est une bonne chose, ils ont un gentil jardin, toutes sortes de jeux, puis j'ai monté à cheval. Seulement j'avais chez eux les yeux enflés et des maux de tête. Je ne sais vraiment ce que je vais devenir, je suis dans un si vilain état. Ils ont une belle maison commode, rien ne manque au service ni au manger. Ils paraissaient si contents de nous voir.

At Dover we spent the night, and the next day,

A Douvres nous couchons et le lendemain

Wednesday, 16 September 1874, we embark; I have been ill since the morning. We have a cabin above deck and soon I feel so ill that I lie down. Instead of being vilely sick I feel a wrenching pain and I weep. The only remedy is to keep still. Unfortunately I was unable to examine all those people heading for the continent — so many Hitchcocks, those deares [sic] English ladies who arrive alone but find their kind on the boat, fraternize, and go in flocks.

Mercredi 16 septembre 1874 nous nous embarquons, je suis malade depuis le matin. Nous avons une cabine en haut et bientôt je me trouve si mal que je me couche. Au lieu d'être salement malade j'éprouve des tiraillement et j'en pleure. Le seul moyen c'est rester tranquille. Malheureusement je n'ai pas pu examiner tous ces gens qui vont sur le continent, tant de Hitchcock, ces deares [sic] Anglaises arrivent seules mais trouvent de leurs semblables sur le bateau, fraternisent et vont par troupeau.

We have a captain of the utmost kindness. He gave me a little dog to distract me, and came himself several times, bringing smelling salts, et cetera.

Nous avons un capitaine d'une amabilité extrême. Il m'a donné pour me distraire un petit chien, et est venu lui-même plusieurs fois apportant des sels etc. etc.

Before I lay down I sat at the cabin door and looked about. A gentleman seemed to me too disguised as an Englishman to be English, and I said rather loudly to Dina: Dina, look at that lady. He turned round, smiled, and walked away.

Avant que de me coucher je me tenais assise à la porte de la cabine et regardais. Un monsieur me parut trop déguisé en Anglais pour être anglais et je dis assez haut à Dina : Dina, regarde cette dame. Il se retourna, sourit et s'en alla.

I like to take people by surprise. The captain reserved us a compartment and at six o'clock we were in Paris.

J'aime à surprendre les gens. Le capitaine nous retient un coupé et à six heures nous sommes à Paris.

So as not to look at France, so ugly after England, I read the Odyssey and find a passage that makes me laugh — when Vulcan catches Mars and Venus in a net and all the gods come running and laugh.

Pour ne pas regarder la France si laide après l'Angleterre je lis l'Odyssée et y trouve un passage qui me fait rire, lorsque Vulcain a pris dans un filet Mars et Vénus et que tous les dieux accourent et rient.

I enter Paris and miss more and more my dear and beautiful Albion. At the Hotel des Iles Britanniques we are welcomed as old acquaintances. I eat some soup and write.

J'entre à Paris et je regrette de plus en plus ma chère et belle Albion. A l'hôtel des Iles Britanniques nous sommes reçues en vieilles connaissances. Je mange une soupe et écris.

Maman has left a letter in which she writes that Emile has died. I believe I shall go into mourning for six weeks. Maman is in mourning, my aunt too, and I would be the only one in colour, like an animal. That cannot be.

Maman a laissé une lettre dans laquelle elle sait qu'Emile est mort. Je crois que je prendrai le deuil pour six semaines. Maman est en deuil, ma tante aussi et je serais seule en couleur comme une bête. Cela ne se peut pas.

H[is] G[race] t[he] D[uke] o[f] Hamilton²

H[is] G[race] t[he] D[uke] o[f] Hamilton]

Book 24

Livre 24ème

begun Thursday 17 September 1874, finished 26 October 1874

commencé le jeudi 17 septembre 1874 terminé le 26 octobre 1874

Paris, Hotel des Iles Britanniques, first floor

Paris, hôtel des Iles Britanniques, au premier

Notes

In English in the original. ↩

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