Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Thursday, 4 January 1883

I saw Julian, who had in his pocket the article by Pelletan1 he had wanted to show me — the one that had moved me so much. He tells me I shall never inspire true passion (speaking of Gambetta and that woman), that I am not sufficiently woman — almost the speech of Claude Vignon to Camille Maupin (see Balzac's Béatrix).2 In any case I am not superior to the point of... The card-readers told me so. Besides, this monster Julian consoles me by saying that [words blacked out: in compensation I shall have all] the men, and that my court will always be numerous — since in sum I am charming, witty, original... But not the sensitive fibre... In short, I shall be adored without being loved, and perhaps by ordinary beings who will take for real all my paste-stone emotions... This man does not understand me, or it is I who judge myself badly... or indeed it is possible... He is right — my tears, my agitations, my tirades, all of it is playing to the public... I feel no less all that I feel, however... He says it is on the surface... It is possible. In any case... These newspapers have a terrible effect on me. The coffin has been brought to the Palais-Bourbon; it was the President of the Chamber who received it.

J'ai vu Julian qui avait dans sa poche l'article de Pelletan qui m'avait tellement emue pour me le montrer. Il me dit que je ne ferai jamais de passion veritable (en parlant de Gambetta et de cette femme) que je ne suis pas assez femme, presque la tirade de Claude Vignon a Camille Maupin (voir Beatrix de Balzac). Enfin je ne suis pourtant pas superieure au point de... Les tireuses de cartes me l'ont dit. Du reste ce monstre de Julian me console en disant que [Mots noircis: en revanche j'aurai tous] les hommes et que ma cour sera toujours nombreuse car en somme je suis charmante, spirituelle, originale... Mais pas la fibre sensible... Enfin on m'adorera sans m'aimer et peut-etre des etres ordinaires qui prendront pour du vrai toutes mes emotions en strass... Il ne me comprend pas cet homme ou c'est moi qui me juge mal... ou au fait c'est possible... Il a raison, mes larmes, mes agitations, mes tirades tout cela c'est poser le public... Je n'en ressents pas moins tout ce que je ressents... Il dit que c'est a la surface... C'est possible. Enfin... Ces journaux me font un effet terrible. On a amene le cercueil au Palais, c'est le President de la chambre qui l'a recu.

"I thank you for having brought him here" — he said to Spuller,3 breaking into tears. And I wept too. The austere, grave, simple Brisson,4 who was not his friend. "I thank you for having brought him here" — there is a real emotion which no comedy could ever give. And the newspapers with their: great orator, illustrious, orator, genius, powerful breath, leonine head... I am shaken, overwrought, almost ill... And then Brisson, who says he will perhaps never have the courage to speak of this dreadful death... At forty-four years old. Five days ago he was still alive!...

Je vous remercie de l'avoir amene ici - dit-il a Spuller en fondant en larmes. Et moi de pleurer. L'austere, le grave, le simple Brisson qui n'etait pas son ami. Je vous remercie de l'avoir amene ici: Il y a la une emotion reelle que ne donnera jamais aucune comedie. Et les journaux avec leur grand orateur, illustre, orateur, genie, souffle puissant, tete leonine... Je suis remuee, enervee, presque malade... Et encore Brisson qui dit qu'il n'aura peut-etre jamais le courage de parler sur cette mort epouvantable... A quarante-quatre ans. Il y a cinq jours encore !...

The evening is spent writing invitations for the 12th.

On passe la soiree a ecrire des invitations pour le 12.

I am completely as if this death had broken me... We were unable to get in, after queuing for two hours.

Je suis tout a fait comme si cette mort m'avait brisee... Nous n'avons pas pu entrer, apres avoir fait queue pendant deux heures.

The crowd was respectful enough, however, if one takes into account the French character — the jostling, the conversations struck up, the perpetual temptation to be witty about everything; the inevitable comic touches in such a crush.

La foule a ete assez respectueuse pourtant si l'on prend en consideration le caractere francais, la presse, les coups de coude, les conversations engagees, la tentation perpetuelle de faire de l'esprit a propos de tout; les droleries inevitables dans une cohue pareille.

And when people laughed loudly, there were others who imposed silence, crying that it was indecent, that one must respect him... And everywhere photographs, medals, illustrated newspapers were being sold. The life and death of Gambetta! [Crossed out: No] The heart contracts at this brutal confirmation of the event — at this publicity [words blacked out: so natural], which yet seemed to me like an indecency...

Et lorqu'on riait fort, il y avait des gens qui imposaient silence, ou criaient c'est indecent, respectez-le... Et on vendait partout les photographies, les medailles, des journaux illustres. La vie, la mort de Gambetta ! [Raye: Non] Le coeur se serre devant cette constatation brutale de l'evenement, de cette publicite [Mots noircis: si naturelle] pourtant qui m'a paru comme une impudeur...

Notes

Pelletan: Camille Pelletan (1846–1915), Radical Republican journalist and politician, co-director of La Justice, and a fierce opponent of Gambetta during his lifetime. That his tribute should be moving was precisely what made it significant. ↩
Claude Vignon to Camille Maupin: in Balzac's Béatrix (1839), the cold, analytical art critic Claude Vignon tells the celebrated woman writer Camille Maupin that women of great intelligence and power sacrifice their emotional, feminine capacity for love — they become too self-possessed to be truly vulnerable. ↩
Spuller: Eugène Spuller (1835–1896), Gambetta's closest personal and political associate for twenty years, who had been at his deathbed. Brisson's words of thanks to him — "I thank you for having brought him here" — are an extraordinary gesture of Republican solidarity across political lines. ↩
Brisson: Henri Brisson (1835–1912), president of the Chamber of Deputies, a moderate Republican and not a political ally of Gambetta. His tears transcended party allegiance. ↩