Saturday, 9 December 1882

A very intimate dinner — Tony, Julian, Dusautoy, Bojidar, Mlle Villevieille, and Émile Bastien back from the country. Oh! I am happy! The real brother was charmed by the caricature of Colombières that I sent him, and by my letters; he laughed, he said kind things, and that I have talent.
For that last point — a surge of happiness! For the architect is sincere; he does not lie; he is simple and good, and he said it because it is true — that is to say, because the other one told him so. We parted at two in the morning.
Modeste Mignon (you know it well) — well, [words blacked out: there are] striking things in it. This young girl who lives entirely by imagination, who contrives a double life for herself, and is continually the heroine of a quantity of novels and dramas of her own invention; who manages to experience almost physical sensations; who has worn everything out through imagination...
But it is me — and then she has fashioned for herself an ideal of happiness and love... One would have to quote everything. It is entirely like me; so if anyone could guess what is passing through my head at the theatre, at a ball, even during a conversation, they would be greatly surprised — and so would I... What a misfortune that he is dead, that there is no one like that now. Ah! so I shall never be inspired by someone I could love, deploying all these still-confused feelings that would make the happiness of an extraordinary man. Balzac is the greatest genius... And then re-read the first pages of Honorine — on Paris and on what makes one love Paris — what I have tried so often to say without managing it...

Notes

Émile Bastien: brother of Jules Bastien-Lepage, who worked as an architect in Paris. He is the "architect" who appears throughout the diary — a gentle, straightforward young man of whom Marie is fond but does not take seriously as a suitor.
The "real brother": Marie uses this to distinguish Jules Bastien-Lepage, the celebrated painter, from Émile the architect. The caricature she sent was of Colombières, the Bastien family village in the Meuse.
Modeste Mignon (1844): one of Balzac's novels about a young provincial woman of great intelligence and romantic imagination who constructs an elaborate fantasy life through a secret correspondence with a famous poet. Marie's identification with her is characteristically precise.